Was reading this in tears almost from the start. Been years since I last cried. Hard to put into words the feeling I was left with. Maybe relatable and cathartic fit.
I think you did great in finding strength to face your loss, and sharing it in a way that also gives strength to the reader in the end.
There is nothing I can write that would do your situation justice. I cannot even begin to comprehend what you and your beloved wife went through. I'm deeply sorry. Christabelle. What a lovely name.
Thank you for sharing this Coleman. I witnessed my parents go through the grief of losing a child, and no parent who has never lost a child can ever truly understand. Though it's been 18 years, I know that on that particular day every year, mum will be in her room in tears all day. My brother was born at 23 weeks. When he was born he could fit in the palm of my father's hand. He was just outside "viability" but he was born breathing, so the doctors decided to ventilate. He grew for five months to the size of a full term new born in a state of the art neo-natal ward, and eventually he was cleared to come home. He was transferred to our local hospital briefly, and placed in the standard children's ward. Within 12 days, he caught a flu, and died within 24 hrs.
I can still remember being 8 yrs old, and watching my father carry the tiny casket in his arms through the church. I'd never seen him cry before, and I only understand now what he and my mother truly went through. No parent should have to bury their child.
“She could say, her daddy held her for her entire life”. Beautiful story J. A very cathartic experience in writing this I’m sure. In ancient Ireland, it was believed that the spirit of people went into the trees when passing on before a full life was experienced.
This thread very much hit home with me as I actually do tree ceremonies for families who have lost loved ones. I ask them to pick a specific tree, ask a family member to write a poem or a story or a song, do a eulogy, get them to plant the tree in a meaningful place and whatever else comes to mind. It’s a very powerful event for all involved. Many ancient traditions of Ireland are now coming back into existence.
Looks like I stumbled into something profound by accident.
I don't know how I would've managed if I didn't have her there to chat up the way that I do. I wasn't a plan, it just felt like a compulsion when I did it
You were right to warn everyone about this one; still glad I read it though I'm now crying at the office and trying (most likely without success) to hide my tears. Bless you and your family.
Whether you realize it or not, you and your daughter and your wife are powerful witnesses to life and to love and to the One who is Love. This is the best pro-life piece I have ever read. Have you ever read Flannery O'Connor? Your writing style reminds me of her in all the best ways.
I read religious stuff and pro-life stuff all the time and while much of it is good, there is a tendency among "nice" people to not write the raw gritty details of what love and life entail and to couch sacrificial realities in gauzier tones. Sometimes this is a mistake. Christ on the cross was not unbloody and sepia-toned.
You don't write that way, you write truth. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
What a beautiful story, yet so heartbreaking. I had lots of tears in my coffee this morning reading this. You're strength is amazing! All you've been through in your life, I'm sure has contributed to your strength & everything you are today! Shit tons of people here on substack absolutely LOVE your reads! A Big THANK YOU for your time & energy you put into your writings. You're amazing! Don't ever stop being that! God bless you & your lovely family!🙏❤️
My words feel like an impossible container for capturing the overflow of all I am feeling.
Thank you...for writing so beautifully about such an immense loss, for being the husband and father and man that you are....for placing your heart in our hands and to trust us to hold it with love.
When my wife and I lost our first baby, it was all very clinical. One day it had a heartbeat, the next it didn't. Go to this hospital. Take this pill. Have this procedure. Then it was done, as if nothing had changed. But something had changed. It's been years, and I still miss this kid that I never got to meet. So while I was in tears for your entire article, and eventhough words are inadequate to express the sadness I feel right now, I am strangely happy for you because you got to hold your Christabelle.
Was reading this in tears almost from the start. Been years since I last cried. Hard to put into words the feeling I was left with. Maybe relatable and cathartic fit.
I think you did great in finding strength to face your loss, and sharing it in a way that also gives strength to the reader in the end.
I'm losing a baby as we speak. Words are dumb. Bro fist.
Your little girl was super loved, she mattered, and she and won't be forgotten.
I hope you have and receive everything you need to reach the other side of this.
There is nothing I can write that would do your situation justice. I cannot even begin to comprehend what you and your beloved wife went through. I'm deeply sorry. Christabelle. What a lovely name.
Thank you for sharing this Coleman. I witnessed my parents go through the grief of losing a child, and no parent who has never lost a child can ever truly understand. Though it's been 18 years, I know that on that particular day every year, mum will be in her room in tears all day. My brother was born at 23 weeks. When he was born he could fit in the palm of my father's hand. He was just outside "viability" but he was born breathing, so the doctors decided to ventilate. He grew for five months to the size of a full term new born in a state of the art neo-natal ward, and eventually he was cleared to come home. He was transferred to our local hospital briefly, and placed in the standard children's ward. Within 12 days, he caught a flu, and died within 24 hrs.
I can still remember being 8 yrs old, and watching my father carry the tiny casket in his arms through the church. I'd never seen him cry before, and I only understand now what he and my mother truly went through. No parent should have to bury their child.
“She could say, her daddy held her for her entire life”. Beautiful story J. A very cathartic experience in writing this I’m sure. In ancient Ireland, it was believed that the spirit of people went into the trees when passing on before a full life was experienced.
Thank you for telling me that last part. Seriously
https://irishtrees.ie/irish-trees-mythology-and-folklore/
https://www.satmya.ie/the-ancient-trees-of-ireland/
Thank you
This thread very much hit home with me as I actually do tree ceremonies for families who have lost loved ones. I ask them to pick a specific tree, ask a family member to write a poem or a story or a song, do a eulogy, get them to plant the tree in a meaningful place and whatever else comes to mind. It’s a very powerful event for all involved. Many ancient traditions of Ireland are now coming back into existence.
Looks like I stumbled into something profound by accident.
I don't know how I would've managed if I didn't have her there to chat up the way that I do. I wasn't a plan, it just felt like a compulsion when I did it
You were right to warn everyone about this one; still glad I read it though I'm now crying at the office and trying (most likely without success) to hide my tears. Bless you and your family.
J - I am so very sorry, but I am so glad you got that time with her. You will see her again in the fullness of time, my friend.
Whether you realize it or not, you and your daughter and your wife are powerful witnesses to life and to love and to the One who is Love. This is the best pro-life piece I have ever read. Have you ever read Flannery O'Connor? Your writing style reminds me of her in all the best ways.
I read religious stuff and pro-life stuff all the time and while much of it is good, there is a tendency among "nice" people to not write the raw gritty details of what love and life entail and to couch sacrificial realities in gauzier tones. Sometimes this is a mistake. Christ on the cross was not unbloody and sepia-toned.
You don't write that way, you write truth. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
What a beautiful story, yet so heartbreaking. I had lots of tears in my coffee this morning reading this. You're strength is amazing! All you've been through in your life, I'm sure has contributed to your strength & everything you are today! Shit tons of people here on substack absolutely LOVE your reads! A Big THANK YOU for your time & energy you put into your writings. You're amazing! Don't ever stop being that! God bless you & your lovely family!🙏❤️
She was your baby and your daughter and she existed just like any other child. No one can ever take her away from you.
What a beautiful memory!
The life of the rose and the yew tree are of equal duration.
My words feel like an impossible container for capturing the overflow of all I am feeling.
Thank you...for writing so beautifully about such an immense loss, for being the husband and father and man that you are....for placing your heart in our hands and to trust us to hold it with love.
Say hi to the cherry tree for me. Tell Christabelle that her Dad is the strongest hearted man I have ever seen in print.
Christabelle, daughter of stars ✨✨✨
.. thank you.. as I’ve no words at all.. only thoughts..
No words. Great story and God bless you, your family and especially your beautiful Christabelle.
When my wife and I lost our first baby, it was all very clinical. One day it had a heartbeat, the next it didn't. Go to this hospital. Take this pill. Have this procedure. Then it was done, as if nothing had changed. But something had changed. It's been years, and I still miss this kid that I never got to meet. So while I was in tears for your entire article, and eventhough words are inadequate to express the sadness I feel right now, I am strangely happy for you because you got to hold your Christabelle.
Thank you for sharing this.