Gold. This one's gonna have some people sucking their thumb and looking for their blankie while curling up in a fetal position waiting on someone to soothe them through the white lies of a false reality.
Yep, this is what we call at Gallows Humor Magazine “The Trauma Generation.” I can’t tell you how many under 40 people who rattle off their diagnoses to me within 5 minutes of meeting them. I also love these people who say, “My therapist is great! I’ve been seeing her the last 12 years.” Uhhhh
I had a great therapist. Saw her for two years and got better.
If you want to know the difference between a good and bad therapist, it's this:
- Good therapists give you actionable advice every appointment. They will offer suggestions and be proactive about you improving your life in concrete and specific ways.
- Bad therapists constantly ask you about your feelings. If they keep saying, "How did that make you feel?" Drop them instantly.
Even better. My therapist was awesome. It was some guy on Substack called Coleman who told me to go fuck myself and man up. It worked. One session. He didn't even charge, lol.
Perhaps the pain at one point did come from the outside, but that was then. A saying I heard - “At some point you have to accept that your past is not going to get any better”
This sounds vaguely like my insensitive rant on the homeless:
The major issue in homelessness is not the lack of housing. It's the refusal of society to say no. No, you can't camp in this city. No, you can't shit in the streets. No, you can't panhandle aggressively. No, you can't shoot up publicly and leave your used needles lying around. The fact that we are not going to allow you to destroy our city by doing these things is not our problem. It's your problem. You can solve your problem by not doing drugs, getting help for your mental problems, getting a job, and sharing rent with others so inclined until you can afford a place of your own, probably in a lower cost community. This is not going to happen because the people we have elected allow the homeless to wallow in their victimhood rather than accept personal responsibility for their self destructiveness.
It was Socrates who said. Know thyself and indeed as you say...ask yourself why is it that I can't cope with this problem. Don't play the victim. Be an active participant in learning how to live and cope with your life. I like your analogy that therapists are like prostitutes...telling you what you want to hear, then expecting you to leave the fee on the bed or dresser on your way out! I also like your analogy of pill pushing doctors too. I'll add, even if you were in the wrong place at the wrong time and got seriously hurt or paralyzed, ask yourself. What do I need to learn or do to cope with this and bring meaning and purpose to the rest of my life? This is what I see you doing and I admire you for it.
I see a huge issue with cell phones. Before they came out people spent their days apart, which gave them time to process "hurts". Now obsessive texting 24/7 leaves one no head space. There are good reasons why clinics take your phone away when you check in.
Emma Carey, The girl who fell from the sky. Parachute failed to open. She explains her journey through pain and paralysis, through depression to expression and connection.
From a shy, no opinion girl, to public speaker.
Inner strength is journey, one climbs a mountain from the bottom.
There's an odd twist here. Gen X were raised as latchkey kids and fancies themselves the tough bastards you describe. BUT
Gen X are the parents of Gen Z. They literally raised the bitch ass, safe place, trigger warning cucks you describe... Gen X are also the ones, next to their children, with the most pharmacuticals and therapists.
Gen X became helicopter parents.
The poor millenials in the middle look back and go... yeah, that was fucked up in the late 70s / early 80s.... then look forward and go yeah, that's fucked up with Gen Z.
I'm still trying to figure out how Gen X went from being touch kids to Karens as parents raising Gen Z...
Right! I mean, at least booomers went from free loving kids to psuedo responsible adults... they also raised the Millenials which, by and large, are pretty balanced. Gen X though..... WTF happpened to them that they spawned and raised Gen Z? I still can't quite square that circle of being raised tough turning into raising bitches.
Coleman, I've also noticed that the breakdown of the family has had a lot to do with messing things up too. It's kinda created a situation where Hard times have created Hard Women and Soft Men. Families are shattered now compared to how they were when the Boomers were growing up. It's a totally different world for kids these days. Unprecidented.
You're not wrong about the X/Z connection. But bruh, millennials are not the creamy center. They're the same never-neverland permanent infants that the boomers are, only without the marginal benefit of having ever been told to grow up by an actual adult, since the last of the actual-adults died of old age before the millennials graduated from high school. Adulthood is so alien to them that they say "adulting" unironically. C'mon.
You sure about that? 99% of what is blamed on Millennials is actually early Gen Z. Millennials are mid to late 30s, and the ones raising kids and putting their feet down about the insanity. They're up to 20 years into a professional career. They're the ones fighting against the helicopter parents to be allowed to free range parent.
You can blame Hipsters and Avocado toast on hipsters but not the things you describe.
But if it is true then we're all fucked. Gen X became overbearing and devouring, millennials are children and gen Z are bitches. Christ help us.
Absolutely sure. As late-X/early millennial (or "Y" if you like) I stand astride the two generations. I watched this shit play out in real time as schooling policies and parenting fashions changed and shaped millennials into what they are.
The boomers aged out of their striver phase, did a hard WTF at the characteristic nihilism and cynicism of gen X (what happened to peace and love, maaan, where did it all go wrong maaaaaan), and decided the children of their second marriages needed more emotional support and guidance. Which to them meant infantilization. They started the helicopter parenting cult. X just went along with it, out of a vague sense that their children deserved to have the actually-present parents they never had (I don't mean to shift the blame too far here - we had grandparents and TV shows that provided a somewhat sane model of parent/child interaction, and chose to ignore it).
Meanwhile the longhouse of liberated (read: they dumped or were dumped by their first husbands and were very bitter about it) boomer women transformed the schools. I watched the hard-but-fair male teachers retire only a few years after I aged out of their classes. I watched "excellence" and "hard work" turn into no-no words in real time. I watched organizations like the boy scouts turn into wine aunt book clubs minus the wine (... most of the time).
I have to work with millennials. 5-10 years younger than me, and still where I was at mentally when I got my first job, which I chose because it didn't require me to cut my hair or get up early, because I was 15 and still had a childish mentality.
I am well aware of how their "professional careers" are going. Some of this is still the boomers' fault for not getting out of the way at a reasonable age so that other people can move up the ladder and be saddled with more responsibility than they have maturity. That's a great way to force someone to grow up or drop out quick.
But no, the kids (still kids, even approaching 40) are not alright.
Just gotta say: trust me, boomers didn't "get out of the way " because the government put up the retirement age, we didn't enjoy working more years for the man. Also, I was a boomer mom with a rule breaking daughter and it was the Much younger moms that whined loudly when she was in high school.
I agree that you're talking the very late millenials. I too am astride as being born in 81. I find that it's the 92+ millenials that struggle the most. there's a wierd xennial group of about 78-90 which is neither X nor Y.
And it's not a hard deliniation. Gen Z is the ultimate in infantalization. It started with late boomers and therefore, late Millenial but Gen X really carried and doubled down with that torch.
I think it was an 'equal and opposite reaction' from latchkey kid to helicopter parents.
Not a parent, but from what I hear a lot from my GenX peers, they wanted to give their kids the attention and understanding we didn't get from our own parents growing up.
But to be fair, a lot of the blame also lies with public schools and the Self Esteem movement that was big in the 90s and has only gotten worse. That mess was a Boomer concoction.
Not really.... the Boomers were from 1945 to 1966 on the outside. For the most part it's their kids that raised the Millennials. Maybe some Millennials had Boomer parents, but there's a lot of overlap there.
Not all. I know some great Gen Zs who have their stuff together and making great choices. But yeah, some of my generation over-compensated for the neglect. But it wasn't just parental. In her book Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren't Growing Up , Abigail Shrier describes how therapists and the 'therapeutic approach' took over schools and also hovered over kids. Worth the read.
I ask myself the same question. A Gen Z girl (age 22) told me that Gen X passed on their generational trauma. Who knows. I reached out to a Gen Z regarding drug use and they played the victim and nearly got me arrested, just for offering help.
Go back a generation or two and look at the BIGGER picture. If you examine the impact of WWI and WWII and the Great Depression on the generation born between 1920 and 1930 and follow it forward... generation by generation, it will all make sense. Gen X and Z are the accumulative results of each generation. There's a lot to be said about learning from history.
"Okay? Life hurts. That's neither here nor there. Why can't you deal with it?"
I was taught at an early age that life is going to sometimes be painful and really fucking hard. It is inevitable for all of us to different degrees and we need to be prepared to meet that difficulty, endure it, learn from it, and move on. Society used to call these life skills, then coping skills... and there are serious consequences to delegating these individual responsibilities of managing our headspace to a therapist or the collective..
Even worse Society has become designed to exhibit external cope.
My wife and I have made it a point to teach our children these things. While It is ok to talk about things that trouble you on occasion, particularly as a child who is still learning how to.. but we should be progressing as life goes on to build resiliency. After all, this is the path to having peace in one's heart about the nature of life itself with the understanding that the obstacle is the way.
Which is exactly why we're seeing victimhood being worn like a badge. No one is to blame when these kids were never taught the skills of building resilience and coping with trauma- of course they're putting on a shitshow charade! The ones doling out the attention and validation to the victim-criers are indeed terrified of their very own pain and trauma. The therapists haven't been taught well, either. I envision a world where we can acknowledge and deal with very real trauma and emotional pain without using it as an excuse or a crutch.
I agree with you, Rebecca. Continuing to play the "victim card" just keeps people stuck and it ends up being an excuse not to look at what the REAL problem is.
I've noticed that there is no shortage of very ANGRY people around. Anger is a protection mechanism that keeps other people from getting too close. When victims can't play the "victim card" they tend to either go to someone who will play the game with them or they get very ANGRY. Of course there's a third option... to deal with their stuff, but that requires being able to get through their victim b.s. and then disarm their anger. That's where a good therapist comes in.
Victims are kinda like porcupines that have a bad sore on their underbelly and they need medical attention to heal. Getting a conscious porcupine to willingly expose its underbelly without getting quilled is a skill.
No wonder there are so many victim criers (as you call them) terrified of their own pain and trauma. The problem is also exasperated by the fact that much of our society right now encourages and rewards people for being victims.
But, but, you like, have to fucking die to know any of this. Seriously. Only those of us who know death can even comprehend the words you wrote on that page.
I’ve offered to many college age friends of my kids, “spend two weeks on the mountain with me and you’ll be breaking up with your therapist forever” Whether that’s a good thing or bad thing is up to them.
A+++++ Speak it brother!! I used to think it was a 'oldest child' syndrome, but realized as time went by, it's insanity everywhere. Nothing but a bunch of pimps. I am the one who felt "what is wrong with me that I just mind my own business and do not want any of the drama of the regulars.
NOPE, I am way good and I will deal or not deal with any of it myself.
Also, I am glad to see you calling out especially the fake therapy people. I had a sister who had an emotional thing happen when she was around 3. My insane mother gave her this emotional thing to carry around for the rest of her life,,,,,feeling like she was always the victim. (what a snow job btw)
Addiction and many attempted suicides later, going to shrinks but never getting anywhere better.
(God i love group therapy. Those people can call you out on shit. haha) Long story short, she finally succeeded in her suicide and is resting now. What a wasted energy of life. But I am glad she doesn't have to be here anymore. Maybe that will sound callus to some but it isn't.
Thanks for yelling at people to grow some and deal with 'What' they allow in their lives.
Yeah! Finally! I was pondering about trauma-writing. What to think about it? How… how can you read it on Substack? Like literature? Like a memoir? Like… what? And how can I press “like” to a description of a real heavy trauma, even if it’s masterfully written (not fiction). I don’t know, man… if the person has publicly written about their trauma once - okay, it may help. Many can relate. But… if I see new posts with the person re-living the same pain again and again, I can’t help but think it’s strange. Why torture yourself?! For validation? I don’t get it.
Trauma writing is an excellent resource. I wish it did work so all you had to do was write it out once and it would be gone. Poof! Gone! Emotional healing doesn't work that way. Our minds have to process our pain. The pain comes out in "layers". It's kinda like it gradually trickles down from something that you write cognitively from your head (mind) and eventually your heart (emotions) own and embrace the healing. Trauma happens when very strong emotions get TRAPPED and unexpressed in the mind. It is the mind's way of keeping itself from unraveling - a self-preservation move. As the mind figures out that it can safely "connect" with the emotions of the event, through trauma writing, it will gradually release its defenses and reintegrate. To the cognitive thinking part of us, it seems like we are just writing the event over and over and over.... but the mind is busy at work healing itself in the background.
You're on the right path.
By the way, ordinary everyday journal writing is very helpful and healing as well.
Not trying to put my nose in your business... I'm a therapist.
Yes, but what about sharing it in public? Why? Okay, sharing it once can be beneficial both for the writer and the readers, but doing it again and again in public? I’m puzzled if it’s healing or the opposite - ripping the wounds apart just for attention and validation. Let’s face it - the attention is pleasant. Especially if it comes with praise. So could at one point it become an act to get more attention?
It’s not my chosen therapeutic technique for dealing with trauma, but it does have a good track record. You definitely would need to be working with a competent, qualified therapist to avoid the pitfalls you are describing.
Trauma resolution is a specialized form of therapy. If you aren’t comfortable with trauma writing, a good therapist can help you with other methods.
But seriously a lot of truth in here. The whole mental health industry runs on feeding victim identity now. All the labels that people cling to only serve to strengthen the false self and stunt real growth. The alternative healing world is also becoming infiltrated by this mentality. I’ve often ranted about it myself.
Having said that, there is something to be said for finding a balance between where we are now and how we were raised to be. Are you Gen x too? Some balance between denial- stuffing it all - grinning and bearing it, versus the other extreme of wallowing in it - gaining power from a victimhood identity- blaming the whole world for your own triggers. The pendulum swing you speak of here.
My message is largely about highlighting how our trauma, when integrated properly, leads to our greatest gifts and superpowers. It’s a message of empowerment through self responsibility really.
But somewhere along the way you do have to admit that something happened that wasn’t right, you might even have to confront and hold accountable the person that inflicted it, but you don’t stay there forever, you are accountable for the alchemy it takes for you to transform within what you’re given.
Personally, I do believe that it’s all by divine design. In the end it all makes sense once you’re forged by the hands of life and pop out the other side a better version of yourself, however tough it can be. Sometimes you can’t skip to that part immediately though because you risk bypassing the real work of trudging through the steps of transformation. It’s not a path of avoidance, it’s a path straight through the depths of one’s inner hell. By and large, it’s a path of surrender and within that it can feel quite humbling and disempowering at times.
In any case it’s all about the alchemy of turning shit into gold and sometimes sorting through the shit can get a little messy along the way 🤣
I got put in therapy at 14. I was encouraged to 'examine my feelings.' That would be wallowing. I did that for far too long because it was supposed to be the right thing to do to make me feel better. Sure, tell the only child who's already a severe introvert to spend more time in her head. It only got better when I picked a goal and headed for it.
Gold. This one's gonna have some people sucking their thumb and looking for their blankie while curling up in a fetal position waiting on someone to soothe them through the white lies of a false reality.
Not before they yell at me tho lol
ha ha ha, you know it.
Indeed Angela.
Facing harsh truths can be unsettling for people who are used to comforting lies.
Yep, this is what we call at Gallows Humor Magazine “The Trauma Generation.” I can’t tell you how many under 40 people who rattle off their diagnoses to me within 5 minutes of meeting them. I also love these people who say, “My therapist is great! I’ve been seeing her the last 12 years.” Uhhhh
Got dayum lol
I had a great therapist. Saw her for two years and got better.
If you want to know the difference between a good and bad therapist, it's this:
- Good therapists give you actionable advice every appointment. They will offer suggestions and be proactive about you improving your life in concrete and specific ways.
- Bad therapists constantly ask you about your feelings. If they keep saying, "How did that make you feel?" Drop them instantly.
decades ago, i literally was told by a real nice lady
''therapy works! - should know, i have been going for 20 years- that statement caused me to rethink the whole profession.
all you really need is a good friend who will tell you the truth. many young people i know think it is a graft.
LOL I’d be impressed if someone said, “My therapist was awesome. 3 sessions and I was fucking cured!”
Even better. My therapist was awesome. It was some guy on Substack called Coleman who told me to go fuck myself and man up. It worked. One session. He didn't even charge, lol.
Perhaps the pain at one point did come from the outside, but that was then. A saying I heard - “At some point you have to accept that your past is not going to get any better”
I dig that
So many refuse to acknowledge their own part in their selfdestruction
Exactly!
That’s brilliant. Fukn brilliant.
This sounds vaguely like my insensitive rant on the homeless:
The major issue in homelessness is not the lack of housing. It's the refusal of society to say no. No, you can't camp in this city. No, you can't shit in the streets. No, you can't panhandle aggressively. No, you can't shoot up publicly and leave your used needles lying around. The fact that we are not going to allow you to destroy our city by doing these things is not our problem. It's your problem. You can solve your problem by not doing drugs, getting help for your mental problems, getting a job, and sharing rent with others so inclined until you can afford a place of your own, probably in a lower cost community. This is not going to happen because the people we have elected allow the homeless to wallow in their victimhood rather than accept personal responsibility for their self destructiveness.
Dead homeless present fewer problems. Jus' sayin.'
Actually, saying no to them and their self destructive lifestyle would save thousands of their lives annually. You surely understand that.
I do. I also understand they are not worth saving.
If I never hear "words are violence" or "I'm just living my truth" again, it'll be too soon.
ikr?
It was Socrates who said. Know thyself and indeed as you say...ask yourself why is it that I can't cope with this problem. Don't play the victim. Be an active participant in learning how to live and cope with your life. I like your analogy that therapists are like prostitutes...telling you what you want to hear, then expecting you to leave the fee on the bed or dresser on your way out! I also like your analogy of pill pushing doctors too. I'll add, even if you were in the wrong place at the wrong time and got seriously hurt or paralyzed, ask yourself. What do I need to learn or do to cope with this and bring meaning and purpose to the rest of my life? This is what I see you doing and I admire you for it.
I see a huge issue with cell phones. Before they came out people spent their days apart, which gave them time to process "hurts". Now obsessive texting 24/7 leaves one no head space. There are good reasons why clinics take your phone away when you check in.
Emma Carey, The girl who fell from the sky. Parachute failed to open. She explains her journey through pain and paralysis, through depression to expression and connection.
From a shy, no opinion girl, to public speaker.
Inner strength is journey, one climbs a mountain from the bottom.
There's an odd twist here. Gen X were raised as latchkey kids and fancies themselves the tough bastards you describe. BUT
Gen X are the parents of Gen Z. They literally raised the bitch ass, safe place, trigger warning cucks you describe... Gen X are also the ones, next to their children, with the most pharmacuticals and therapists.
Gen X became helicopter parents.
The poor millenials in the middle look back and go... yeah, that was fucked up in the late 70s / early 80s.... then look forward and go yeah, that's fucked up with Gen Z.
I'm still trying to figure out how Gen X went from being touch kids to Karens as parents raising Gen Z...
Dane way hippies became judges and business owners. Aging is a MF lol
Right! I mean, at least booomers went from free loving kids to psuedo responsible adults... they also raised the Millenials which, by and large, are pretty balanced. Gen X though..... WTF happpened to them that they spawned and raised Gen Z? I still can't quite square that circle of being raised tough turning into raising bitches.
Hard times create hard men. Hard men create easy times. Easy times create soft men. Soft men create hard times....etc etc etc
Valid.... very valid.
Coleman, I've also noticed that the breakdown of the family has had a lot to do with messing things up too. It's kinda created a situation where Hard times have created Hard Women and Soft Men. Families are shattered now compared to how they were when the Boomers were growing up. It's a totally different world for kids these days. Unprecidented.
Et fukn ceterah!👍
You're not wrong about the X/Z connection. But bruh, millennials are not the creamy center. They're the same never-neverland permanent infants that the boomers are, only without the marginal benefit of having ever been told to grow up by an actual adult, since the last of the actual-adults died of old age before the millennials graduated from high school. Adulthood is so alien to them that they say "adulting" unironically. C'mon.
You sure about that? 99% of what is blamed on Millennials is actually early Gen Z. Millennials are mid to late 30s, and the ones raising kids and putting their feet down about the insanity. They're up to 20 years into a professional career. They're the ones fighting against the helicopter parents to be allowed to free range parent.
You can blame Hipsters and Avocado toast on hipsters but not the things you describe.
But if it is true then we're all fucked. Gen X became overbearing and devouring, millennials are children and gen Z are bitches. Christ help us.
Absolutely sure. As late-X/early millennial (or "Y" if you like) I stand astride the two generations. I watched this shit play out in real time as schooling policies and parenting fashions changed and shaped millennials into what they are.
The boomers aged out of their striver phase, did a hard WTF at the characteristic nihilism and cynicism of gen X (what happened to peace and love, maaan, where did it all go wrong maaaaaan), and decided the children of their second marriages needed more emotional support and guidance. Which to them meant infantilization. They started the helicopter parenting cult. X just went along with it, out of a vague sense that their children deserved to have the actually-present parents they never had (I don't mean to shift the blame too far here - we had grandparents and TV shows that provided a somewhat sane model of parent/child interaction, and chose to ignore it).
Meanwhile the longhouse of liberated (read: they dumped or were dumped by their first husbands and were very bitter about it) boomer women transformed the schools. I watched the hard-but-fair male teachers retire only a few years after I aged out of their classes. I watched "excellence" and "hard work" turn into no-no words in real time. I watched organizations like the boy scouts turn into wine aunt book clubs minus the wine (... most of the time).
I have to work with millennials. 5-10 years younger than me, and still where I was at mentally when I got my first job, which I chose because it didn't require me to cut my hair or get up early, because I was 15 and still had a childish mentality.
I am well aware of how their "professional careers" are going. Some of this is still the boomers' fault for not getting out of the way at a reasonable age so that other people can move up the ladder and be saddled with more responsibility than they have maturity. That's a great way to force someone to grow up or drop out quick.
But no, the kids (still kids, even approaching 40) are not alright.
Just gotta say: trust me, boomers didn't "get out of the way " because the government put up the retirement age, we didn't enjoy working more years for the man. Also, I was a boomer mom with a rule breaking daughter and it was the Much younger moms that whined loudly when she was in high school.
I agree that you're talking the very late millenials. I too am astride as being born in 81. I find that it's the 92+ millenials that struggle the most. there's a wierd xennial group of about 78-90 which is neither X nor Y.
And it's not a hard deliniation. Gen Z is the ultimate in infantalization. It started with late boomers and therefore, late Millenial but Gen X really carried and doubled down with that torch.
I think it was an 'equal and opposite reaction' from latchkey kid to helicopter parents.
Not a parent, but from what I hear a lot from my GenX peers, they wanted to give their kids the attention and understanding we didn't get from our own parents growing up.
But to be fair, a lot of the blame also lies with public schools and the Self Esteem movement that was big in the 90s and has only gotten worse. That mess was a Boomer concoction.
That's a point I e heard before. Generational trauma is typically passed on by parenting techniques though. It's a fascinating discussion though!
Not really.... the Boomers were from 1945 to 1966 on the outside. For the most part it's their kids that raised the Millennials. Maybe some Millennials had Boomer parents, but there's a lot of overlap there.
Not all. I know some great Gen Zs who have their stuff together and making great choices. But yeah, some of my generation over-compensated for the neglect. But it wasn't just parental. In her book Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren't Growing Up , Abigail Shrier describes how therapists and the 'therapeutic approach' took over schools and also hovered over kids. Worth the read.
Yeah bad therapy is a great book!
I ask myself the same question. A Gen Z girl (age 22) told me that Gen X passed on their generational trauma. Who knows. I reached out to a Gen Z regarding drug use and they played the victim and nearly got me arrested, just for offering help.
Go back a generation or two and look at the BIGGER picture. If you examine the impact of WWI and WWII and the Great Depression on the generation born between 1920 and 1930 and follow it forward... generation by generation, it will all make sense. Gen X and Z are the accumulative results of each generation. There's a lot to be said about learning from history.
Right. If you go back to 1440 you find even more. I think the main cause is 1215 for what we see.
Nice article. I really like this:
"Okay? Life hurts. That's neither here nor there. Why can't you deal with it?"
I was taught at an early age that life is going to sometimes be painful and really fucking hard. It is inevitable for all of us to different degrees and we need to be prepared to meet that difficulty, endure it, learn from it, and move on. Society used to call these life skills, then coping skills... and there are serious consequences to delegating these individual responsibilities of managing our headspace to a therapist or the collective..
Even worse Society has become designed to exhibit external cope.
My wife and I have made it a point to teach our children these things. While It is ok to talk about things that trouble you on occasion, particularly as a child who is still learning how to.. but we should be progressing as life goes on to build resiliency. After all, this is the path to having peace in one's heart about the nature of life itself with the understanding that the obstacle is the way.
Life skills...coping skills...grit... all seem to be lost arts anymore.
Which is exactly why we're seeing victimhood being worn like a badge. No one is to blame when these kids were never taught the skills of building resilience and coping with trauma- of course they're putting on a shitshow charade! The ones doling out the attention and validation to the victim-criers are indeed terrified of their very own pain and trauma. The therapists haven't been taught well, either. I envision a world where we can acknowledge and deal with very real trauma and emotional pain without using it as an excuse or a crutch.
I agree with you, Rebecca. Continuing to play the "victim card" just keeps people stuck and it ends up being an excuse not to look at what the REAL problem is.
I've noticed that there is no shortage of very ANGRY people around. Anger is a protection mechanism that keeps other people from getting too close. When victims can't play the "victim card" they tend to either go to someone who will play the game with them or they get very ANGRY. Of course there's a third option... to deal with their stuff, but that requires being able to get through their victim b.s. and then disarm their anger. That's where a good therapist comes in.
Victims are kinda like porcupines that have a bad sore on their underbelly and they need medical attention to heal. Getting a conscious porcupine to willingly expose its underbelly without getting quilled is a skill.
No wonder there are so many victim criers (as you call them) terrified of their own pain and trauma. The problem is also exasperated by the fact that much of our society right now encourages and rewards people for being victims.
But, but, you like, have to fucking die to know any of this. Seriously. Only those of us who know death can even comprehend the words you wrote on that page.
I’ve offered to many college age friends of my kids, “spend two weeks on the mountain with me and you’ll be breaking up with your therapist forever” Whether that’s a good thing or bad thing is up to them.
Like everything else.
No takers yet. 😂
❤️👻
Thankfully, I have died lol
Seemingly more than once
A+++++ Speak it brother!! I used to think it was a 'oldest child' syndrome, but realized as time went by, it's insanity everywhere. Nothing but a bunch of pimps. I am the one who felt "what is wrong with me that I just mind my own business and do not want any of the drama of the regulars.
NOPE, I am way good and I will deal or not deal with any of it myself.
Also, I am glad to see you calling out especially the fake therapy people. I had a sister who had an emotional thing happen when she was around 3. My insane mother gave her this emotional thing to carry around for the rest of her life,,,,,feeling like she was always the victim. (what a snow job btw)
Addiction and many attempted suicides later, going to shrinks but never getting anywhere better.
(God i love group therapy. Those people can call you out on shit. haha) Long story short, she finally succeeded in her suicide and is resting now. What a wasted energy of life. But I am glad she doesn't have to be here anymore. Maybe that will sound callus to some but it isn't.
Thanks for yelling at people to grow some and deal with 'What' they allow in their lives.
I'm sorry to read about your sister however glad to have you here
That’s the most honest thing I’ve read in a long time. I’m sorry for your sister. Glad you are here. And real. Gnite.
Oh my god this is so good I can't even handle it.
DO NOT see a therapist about it
I got this.
😂
Yeah! Finally! I was pondering about trauma-writing. What to think about it? How… how can you read it on Substack? Like literature? Like a memoir? Like… what? And how can I press “like” to a description of a real heavy trauma, even if it’s masterfully written (not fiction). I don’t know, man… if the person has publicly written about their trauma once - okay, it may help. Many can relate. But… if I see new posts with the person re-living the same pain again and again, I can’t help but think it’s strange. Why torture yourself?! For validation? I don’t get it.
P.s. I knew you’re a werewolf. 😅 Lycanthropy…🤭
Trauma writing is an excellent resource. I wish it did work so all you had to do was write it out once and it would be gone. Poof! Gone! Emotional healing doesn't work that way. Our minds have to process our pain. The pain comes out in "layers". It's kinda like it gradually trickles down from something that you write cognitively from your head (mind) and eventually your heart (emotions) own and embrace the healing. Trauma happens when very strong emotions get TRAPPED and unexpressed in the mind. It is the mind's way of keeping itself from unraveling - a self-preservation move. As the mind figures out that it can safely "connect" with the emotions of the event, through trauma writing, it will gradually release its defenses and reintegrate. To the cognitive thinking part of us, it seems like we are just writing the event over and over and over.... but the mind is busy at work healing itself in the background.
You're on the right path.
By the way, ordinary everyday journal writing is very helpful and healing as well.
Not trying to put my nose in your business... I'm a therapist.
Yes, but what about sharing it in public? Why? Okay, sharing it once can be beneficial both for the writer and the readers, but doing it again and again in public? I’m puzzled if it’s healing or the opposite - ripping the wounds apart just for attention and validation. Let’s face it - the attention is pleasant. Especially if it comes with praise. So could at one point it become an act to get more attention?
Constantly speaking about trauma is re/traumatizing for the person and traumatic for others eventually if it is persistently shared.
It’s not my chosen therapeutic technique for dealing with trauma, but it does have a good track record. You definitely would need to be working with a competent, qualified therapist to avoid the pitfalls you are describing.
Trauma resolution is a specialized form of therapy. If you aren’t comfortable with trauma writing, a good therapist can help you with other methods.
I wish you the best in your pursuit of recovery.
Your intro was good enough for me. You just quantified it with the rest. I could speak a lot on this, but I will let your words simmer.
No YOU shut up lol
But seriously a lot of truth in here. The whole mental health industry runs on feeding victim identity now. All the labels that people cling to only serve to strengthen the false self and stunt real growth. The alternative healing world is also becoming infiltrated by this mentality. I’ve often ranted about it myself.
Having said that, there is something to be said for finding a balance between where we are now and how we were raised to be. Are you Gen x too? Some balance between denial- stuffing it all - grinning and bearing it, versus the other extreme of wallowing in it - gaining power from a victimhood identity- blaming the whole world for your own triggers. The pendulum swing you speak of here.
My message is largely about highlighting how our trauma, when integrated properly, leads to our greatest gifts and superpowers. It’s a message of empowerment through self responsibility really.
But somewhere along the way you do have to admit that something happened that wasn’t right, you might even have to confront and hold accountable the person that inflicted it, but you don’t stay there forever, you are accountable for the alchemy it takes for you to transform within what you’re given.
Personally, I do believe that it’s all by divine design. In the end it all makes sense once you’re forged by the hands of life and pop out the other side a better version of yourself, however tough it can be. Sometimes you can’t skip to that part immediately though because you risk bypassing the real work of trudging through the steps of transformation. It’s not a path of avoidance, it’s a path straight through the depths of one’s inner hell. By and large, it’s a path of surrender and within that it can feel quite humbling and disempowering at times.
In any case it’s all about the alchemy of turning shit into gold and sometimes sorting through the shit can get a little messy along the way 🤣
Girl, you'd be mad if I quit making noise.
Yes, I'm Gen X, the tail end. I tried to acknowledge that the way I promoted may have been superior but wasn't without flaws or room for improvement.
I'm a big believer in the worst things that happen to us can often be the best things that happen to us.
Whether or not it's good or bad depends entirely on what you did with it.
But I also find getting punched in the face therapeutic so I'll admit my pizza toppings aren't for everyone nor should they be.
I think you and I talk about some of the same things, you just have a prettier way of wording them.
Lols you’re hilarious 😂
As it turns out, many out there would benefit greatly from a little “punch in the face therapy”..
I got put in therapy at 14. I was encouraged to 'examine my feelings.' That would be wallowing. I did that for far too long because it was supposed to be the right thing to do to make me feel better. Sure, tell the only child who's already a severe introvert to spend more time in her head. It only got better when I picked a goal and headed for it.
I really can’t understand how this helps with diversity nor where the improvement in carbon footprint is identified?
Are you sure you spell checked it with the Pfizer brand app?