This made me cry. My man lost his marbles so I do my best with a pointy stick, but it's not the same. My 25 year old son lives with me and my daughter who didn't have the benefit of a pointy stick wielding dad and has suffered the consequences. Despite popular opinion that my boy is not a man because he still lives with his mom, my boy has clearly stated that even though he thought about it during some of his sister's worse episodes, he won't leave us alone. He has his pointy stick ready, I've seen it. And that really goes for any woman around him. Glad to know you are out there too.
Yes!! Thanks Coleman for saying all this. Random stranger in an alley distress- yep had to do that once and basically tell the dude well I’m making it my business. There’s nothing weaker than seeing men say cop out shit. When I hear that shit my first thought is always, “Has this motherfucker ever got punched in the face?” By the way, you made an excellent point about how women were used for their nurturing qualities in this and many other situations. And you’re 💯 that’s one of the many things that makes them amazing. Men should step up and see when it’s being taken advantage of. Mad respect bro.
Random stranger in an alley distress? I'm proud to say that even I, an old lady who needs her cane to stand up straight, always put myself physically between the assailant and the victim. I've only gotten punched a few times.
To be fair, I should probably add that I must look so ridiculous doing that, so unlikely, that the dudes just don't dare punch me and that I bank on that. Or maybe I've just got luck. I don't know.
In a messaging chat group comprised of late ‘70s era fraternity brothers, a colleague asked why I was so pissed off about this topic since “we don’t have a horse in this race”. That he is totally incapable of recognizing that this is a civilizational struggle, and that his smug acquiescence is one reason why many are so outraged, go directly to your point, Coleman! Well done!
My entire life I’ve been a very non-physical person. I never played sports in school.
I never intentionally got into a fight, even though there were at least two times where I reacted instinctually to bullying. I even allowed a guy to beat the crap out of me once because I knew it would be much worse if I fought back.
So no one was more surprised than I when I made it obvious that I was about to intervene where I saw a man physically threatening a woman. I was very scared. But I wasn’t about to let him know it. I just knew that I would not be able to live with myself if I walked away.
Maybe subconsciously I knew that any man who physically threatens a woman is really a coward.
For sure it is. I was threatened by a man on the subway, and there was a car full of men who didn’t do anything. Young man in his 20s two seats away from me, hung his head and shame when I looked at him. It was horrifying and extremely scary. There’s no end to how much I hate feminism.
That is not the fault of feminism! That is the fault of cowardice, and patriarchy plays a big role in that cowardice. Men who are biggest loud mouths are men who simulate masculinity playing Call of Duty and Halo. They’ve never taken a real risk, and don’t have a clue what it is to defend someone- even themselves. They’re all talk.
You are an evil filthy feminist, pig. Everybody’s lives are shit because of creepy sicko like you. The FBI was literally behind feminism. Ask Gloria Steinem you can even email her she will admit it. And the bitches who went along with it were the most evil witches, who were so dying to attack men that they just jumped on the bandwagon and fucked life for everyone!! I loathe your filthy Disgusting perverted, slimy, skanky, slutty kind
WOW! You attack me pretty easily- without knowing much about me. How have either traditional gender norms OR feminism hurt or helped you??? Sharon, you should know that I would have stood up for you in the subway. Perhaps don’t presume anything about me without talking to me. I’m sorry you were hurt but it is not my fault, and NOT the fault of feminism. My choice to be a feminist is after watching my mother get destroyed by the culture that should have taken care of her. Your name calling is mean, I hope you’re not as mean as your comment.
I’m not joking about Gloria Steinem get in touch with the bitch she is available. She likes to put it in a women’s face that they were actually fooled by men who had bad plans for the world. She feels very stabbed in the back by the new feminism and she will talk to anyone who gets in touch with her. Go for it miss evil treacherous devil
I agree with those saying Best post. Colman would certainly agree: You are exactly what heroes are made of, you know, Bob Hanniford. An extraordinary ordinary man.
I say this as a wife, mother and grandmother. Don’t go by my name — It’s my husband’s. I’m a widow and keeping his name here is an homage & comfort. A protection too, if you will. Wasn’t deliberate, just an accident of signing up for substack on his email name & I thought, I’ll keep it. …But it can sure make for some interesting dialogues!
Oh! Thank you! Such a kind comment! It’s tough, actully. I miss my good man! My close friends & family are not able to imagine or realize what it’s like. Sometimes, surrounded all day with my own company, it gets ironic & comical. It can get quite isolating. I‘ll sometimes listen to friends’ complaints & worries, smiling with astonished amusement, not without sympathy, but able to see in a way that they don’t & can’t —marveling at how blind they are to the blessing of having such problems to complain or worry about. So much is taken for granted. So much that can change in an instant and render those concerns something infinitely precious they’d trade anything to have back. That’s just the way of it, tho’, isn’t it? People are tragic goofballs. Mostly lovable.
So, Life is funny, hard, interesting and good, in an odd way, as I become more & more eccentric (😂). Small & Lovely blessings dot the day (like your post!). & I’m blessed to live in a pretty safe little friendly town, have the best daughters & sons-in-law on the planet and am financially fine. I’m very grateful to God every day.
Most elderly widows have it far, far worse. They are the most forgotten, invisible, unrespected and beset minority. Many are broken & trying to manage everything. And still grieving. Forever they will grieve, however well they hide it.
So — & this is for any readers passing by — Make an effort to notice elderly widows. & when you do, smile & stop to chat. Take note of any needed assistance & offer. Touch — her arm or hand. Human contact & conversation might be extremely rare in her life. Listen & enjoy. She’ll come away with far, far more than what you give. It very likely might make her week!
Blessings to you! & thanks. Thanks too for letting me speak.
What a beautifully expressed comment. My mom was a widow for 18 years before remarrying at 80 (mixed reviews on that decision) and I saw much of what you described though we lived a good ways apart.
Perspective is hard won and often is only be learned through experience. For good reason, Paul encourages the older widows to mentor the younger women. It preserves wisdom and culture while filling a real need for both parties.
I'm thankful you are well cared for by family, that is too often the exception.
We sort of hijacked Coleman's post, I hope he won't mind. His cry could be echoed on the women's side, as he noted.
What a wonderful and encouraging note! I hope Colman sees these & is happy to see what he drew out of us.
You’re observations about the wisdom in Paul re the mutal blessings is astute. And thank you too for that.
18 years is a long time. (I just counted 11 this July & I was 62 as well. I think it would be very difficult to mesh lives with another. I still feel married, too. He’s just off away, on a long and beautiful kind of call of duty — we were born with that place in God’s heart & mind. Except, no phone or post. Ah!
11 years. It seems fresh in your writing, and likely feels much fresher to you. A friend from church lost her husband a month ago. One daughter thinks she should be moving on by now. I could weep for them both.
I have little to say about remarriage but have seen it promise more than it delivered. Perhaps Paul had as well.
The problem for many women is that the men we grew up with, that we were told were our protectors and leaders, were anything but that to their wives and daughters. There was zero way I was going to let myself be put in the same position as my mother did. The assumption that ALL men are suited to that role is what got us there. And that's what Republicans want to bring back. That's why I can't fully commit to them (aside from the obvious of running a psychopath for president).
Not sure anyone has that assumption. It would be fair to say that is the ideal, and like any ideal we humans fall short even when we are trying. We should never abandon the ideal.
Yeah when you're on the receiving end of the complete failure of that ideal you would probably change your mind. Consider that 50% of men are less than average intelligence and it makes more sense.
Society is measured by the state and quality of its women. We as men failed, allowing women to degrade themselves by comparing themselves to men. Most of the rest of the social disfunction follows from there. The solution isn't to berate women for the current situation, it's for us as men to help make women great again.
"We as men failed, allowing women to degrade themselves by comparing themselves to men."
This wouldn't have happened if men hadn't bogarted so many of the exciting, remunerative, and fulfilling opportunities. When it comes to sexed bodies and minds, the only important things that demand segregation are male's ability to physically fight other males, and women's ability to carry and feed babies (and in the modern world we've got things like guns and pepper spray for the first, and formula for part of the second). Pretty much everything else people should be free to do based on interest.
I’m a bit confused by what you’re saying. So is society not measured at all by the quality of its men? And why is it men’s responsibility if women want to choose traditionally male dominated activities?
This was a response to another's post on predators and is one of the issues here, where men need to step up is to drive home the point that no, not all, but enough of you are creeps, predators, etc that policies that are sympathetic to them over women and children are a breeding ground for opportunists
"This is absolutely true and where the most vulnerable suffer because the focus in politics is “ not all x are rapists or not all y are pedophiles” instead of: all rapists and pedophiles will take advantage of opportunity (a,b,c) if given the chance. The unwillingness to acknowledge this and policies and practices to reflect this leaves the most vulnerable exposed"
god almighty, thank you for this one. any man that stands idly by while a woman or anyone less fortunate/able is abused is no man at all. if witnessing something like this doesn't light the fire in you it's probably time to consider life as a woman. cut them off, already.
A lot of us have definitely NOT been standing idly by as this insanity took root. We have been fighting this any way we could and with anyone who would listen, but it hasn’t worked. Why is that?
Whether people want to admit it or not, women have indeed brought this on themselves, even as real men with actual testosterone and low levels of soy were continually trying to fight the inevitable end result.
I haven’t quit the fight, but yet I am suddenly the asshole for simply acknowledging the tragic reality that women themselves are largely to blame for this insanity.
I haven’t “failed women”, and the accusation is absolute steaming bullshit. What I have “failed” to do is successfully save women from themselves. Guilty as charged on that one.
Coleman has had some very interesting perspectives over time and is right certainly far more than not.
This was not one of those times, and doubling down on the bullshit didn’t make it any better.
Yes, you certainly did qualify your statement, I believe more than once. Most of us who read this have no reason to take offense. I don’t mind being called a “knuckle dragging Neanderthal,” rather, I consider it a compliment.
I obviously missed that part…. I’ll be honest - my mood deteriorated rapidly while reading, so I started skimming and did not finish. Being the second post about the topic, I was probably feeling more indignant than warranted before I even started this one.
My apologies if it wasn’t really intended for me, or guys like me. Definitely came across like it at the time, but I’ve been wrong once or twice before. Probably will be wrong about something again in the future too.
We need to start at our local level. This could also apply to helping out those who find themselves homeless and just need any address so they can begin to sort themselves out.
why do they need us? because we lead by example as arbiters of morality, protectors of the weak, purveyors of the truth.
why do we need them? to remind us of our humanity, express the nurturing we aren’t capable of, keep the peace whenever possible.
emphasis on “keep the peace”. this is a woman’s strongest trait. a woman will not stand against her fellow “woman”, even if said woman is really a man, even if she hates “her”. they won’t stand up for themselves in the worst of times. they are agreeable by nature.
we have a duty to protect them from bullshit like this, just like they have a duty to keep us from going too far.
If you think women “will not stand against fellow women”, then you have seen them in action in the workplace. Nobody holds back women these days worse than other women. It’s why my wife hates working with women or having a female boss.
Once consumed by feminism, and SO many are, they are anything but agreeable, particularly at work.
So, before your message I even admitted to Coleman that I missed his point. I think it was presented pretty poorly and much more aggressively than necessary, but I still missed it. Not sure why you needed to point it out as well.
I assume you are a man, but you are fooling yourself if you think you actually understand women. I do as well as any straight man alive, but still am baffled by their thoughts and actions routinely. Further, anyone who thinks women are inherently more agreeable than men hasn’t been paying attention for pretty much forever.
You don’t know me, so don’t even pretend to know what I think or understand. I have been defending female friends, family, and even strangers from male aggression or wrongdoing ever since I was old enough to do so. My only sin in this whole debacle is having the balls to point out that women are largely responsible for the idiocy of men competing against them in competitions of sport and strength.
Never once did I state that I wouldn’t keep fighting for women, despite the stupid shit that many have done to put us in this position. I simply don’t like being held primarily responsible for something that I had very little to do with.
they tend to avoid confronting each other directly and tend to talk shit behind each others' backs. this is not aggression. it's passive-aggression. this is not women standing up for themselves.
You should get out and meet a couple of actual women sometime. On the whole they are great, but aren’t quite like you’ve been told. Particularly with other women. They can be incredibly hostile there, just generally without physical violence.
Pretty sure I understand the differences between men and women. Definitely don’t need your guidance there.
being catty and standing up for yourself are very different.
men are aggressive. women are passive-aggressive. assuming you know the difference, this would be a great moment to reflect on that. you may learn something instead of knowing it all.
I understand where you are coming from. And there is a real argument that women are to be blamed for a LOT of this with their bullsh*t. But he did say that’s up to the rest of us women to speak out against them (ours) and he is speaking to his.
Women “rights” do make it extremely difficult for a lot of men with less determination or balls to stand up to them. The social shaming and turning of the masses against any man that dares to takes the strongest among you to resist. I understand that. So develop that strength please! That’s all he is saying.
I believe in meritocracy regardless your sex, so I believe in equal pay for the same job. Things like that make sense to me when speaking of women’s rights, or the right for our vote to count equally, but the women’s rights movement went far beyond things like that and wanted power over men in ALL spaces. And the truth is men caved and gave it to them. Women are definitely better equipped to hold the power in SOME spaces, but certainly not all. We have many differences as women and they should be celebrated, respected, utilized wisely, and compensated equally, but we don’t have to have equal representation in EVERY space out there or in the spaces where the power is better held by men given they have better wiring for that space.
Oh I think you and I agree with each other a lot more than you think my reply is implying. And I’m probably trying to make LOTS of different points related to feminism because my mind is bubbling over after reading his article. 😂 I’m not a writer, strictly a commenter. So I won’t always be eloquent or easy to understand. I do try though.
I was responding primarily to your comment “Coleman has had some very interesting perspectives over time and is right certainly far more than not.
This was not one of those times…” and I just disagreed with that. He nailed it. The rest of my reply was supporting more of what he was saying from the perspective of a woman. He is speaking for men alone and asked us women to speak for women. I’m also sharing my perspectives about what he said about other men who are not like you.
I just discovered Coleman’s Substack this past week, so this isn’t coming from blind loyalty or anything. His words just rang true to me.
I’m also not suggesting you personally need to develop more strength. You’ve stated you have it in spades, which is great. I was referring to many, MANY other men who don’t, and explaining why.
I also don’t think women are “primarily” responsible, as you feel they are. So I guess I disagree with you on that point also. I think they are “equally” to blame. Men started to fail in their God-given roles long before women started to fight for their rights, and had they properly valued and cherished women, obeying God’s direction to love them as they loved themselves, possibly there never would have been a need for a feminism movement. But many men took a radical role of superiority and over-authoritarian with women, while others took a weak role and completely abandoned us. Both caused our movement. In a position of superiority they did not appreciate the valuable contributions women could make and that was reflected in voting privileges, pay scales, and in physical beatings and oppression as we were seen as property, not human beings, and certainly not as God intended is to be seen. None of that came from a place of respect and love. Those in a position of feebleness and weakness abandoned their responsibilities, forcing the increase in single mothers raising children. Just a couple examples of many.
However, as of today, women have a gigantic bag of blame to hold with how they lost their values, their morals, and their substance, and it all became only about winning equality in every way possible in every corner they could. An unfair cat fight that they even destroy each other over. Believe me, not only do they emasculate men, they fiercely trample on femininity. Is that efeminate? Anyway, we are not fully equal in sex and never should have been, and that’s where feminism failed. I do support equal pay for the same job where equal merit has been EARNED and I’m against the old boys’ club preventing that from a seat of superiority. But I don’t support equal representation of women in the front line on a battle field. There are rare instances where a woman is fully capable and if so should be allowed, but it isn’t common and meeting some quota for that is stupid. I think we all see this point in the recent SS clown show protecting Trump. I don’t mind a woman among them, but she better be tall and built like a train, tough as shit. They exist so they should be allowed, but again, it will be rare so there should be no attempt to get equal representation in numbers based on sex.
As with all “rights” groups, they grow way too radical and end up representing only 1% of themselves. Women failed standing up to other women who were pushing too radical of a position and here we are today. That combined with what happened to women pre-feminism movement makes us equally responsible. Not primarily.
Thanks for the interesting reply- it really made me think.
As a dad, husband, and engineer, I spend a lot of time fixing things and systems both at work and home. That very often involves getting to the root cause of an issue in order to solve it. Sometimes, however, it can be easy to jump to conclusions and assume that you really have the root cause, while the truth is that there is more digging to do. That digging starts with simply asking another round of “why?”
Getting back briefly to the issue that got me fired up - men playing in women’s sports….
It is widely known world wide that women vote overwhelmingly for the types of “leaders” who ultimately push such idiocy. For THAT they are primarily responsible, as left up to men alone, this would never be an issue at all.
That said, I failed to dig deeper and ask myself why would women behave this way in the first place. It clearly goes beyond them simply being more “liberal” in general. You have helped me to recognize that men played a large part in pushing them there. I suppose we could ask another “why” from there, but there is likely no end to the quest.
Thanks for the dialog, from one commenter (not writer) to another. It seems so obvious now, but I do appreciate you helping me get past simply feeling offended and angry to seeing a bigger picture.
I guess we are all pretty equally screwed up in the end…
Ah well put. We all need to keep digging and hear the other person even when they don’t agree with us. Everyone here should go back and reconsider anything you wrote in your replies as well, because you damn well earned that respect.
I suspect if we want the true root cause it will take us all the way back to the garden of Eden. A woman was too easily manipulated, and desired to “have it all”, then led her husband astray. We as women need to be more careful and responsible with how persuasive we are. It’s a dangerous weapon in the wrong hands. But her husband too easily followed her. He was in charge and he failed her too by trusting and following her lead rather than God’s. He had the power and authority to protect them both. It’s a lot of pressure having that responsibility on your shoulders, all the more reason women should support a man when he does show appropriate and righteous strength.
Of course this all depends on one believing in God and creation. But I assume it probably leads to the same damn thing if traced back through the evolutionary steps. 🤣
Thank you, JuJu and Politically-homeless Dude for this amazing exchange. I wholeheartedly agree with your perspectives, JuJu, and feel you speak for many women who, like me, have difficulty finding the right words to be heard.
Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I do get the feeling you are trying to gently argue a point, but I’m not sure where we disagree. You suggest that I need to develop a strength of some sort, but I’m not really sure where you feel that strength is lacking.
I’ve been quite clear that I’m not going to stop fighting for women, and I obviously had enough strength to take the heat from men and women alike for my view that women are primarily responsible for the fact that men are now competing with them directly in sports.
But please, don’t T-bone me after running a red light and then blame me for not reacting fast enough to avoid the collision. That’s all I ask.
I honestly don’t even believe in the same pay for the same same work.
The reason why women were able to stay home with their own babies, which every female creature on earth has a right to do, is because men were getting paid more. Then when it became the other woman’s turn to have a baby, she was able to.
Things are a friggin mess And it’s all because of these stupid equal rights when we are not equal. Two different, too different
We need to fix the amendments. A few need to be checked, especially the 19th. Do you know how much would be fixed if the 19th amendment was taken away?! Women are the ones that are causing all this filth just like Adam and Eve. They are causing a very very sick society and yes, it’s too bad that men acquiesced but the thing is they became too comfortable. A lot of them didn’t even want the responsibility for their family. Some greedy and said oh good to paychecks. Let’s get a bigger house and buy a bunch of stupid shit. Fill our garage and then have to buy storage with tons and tons of storage places out there.
You know 1968 was not even storage place because people didn’t use women to buy extra shit. They didn’t need so that she could put her baby with a complete stranger and those places are run by the government the Department Of Education tell them everything to do and stay here a lot of propaganda from the first months of when they are born.
People are sick and crazy if they don’t homeschool, and if they stick their kid in daycare one guy forgot his kid and let it burn to death in the car because he forgot to drop him off
Guess what? They couldn’t have happened to me no woman in my family sticks their children in a daycare.
Bullshit. Women were by and large abandoned in the 1960s, 70’s, and 80s. Women like me saw our mothers abandoned by our fathers and vowed to never be in that situation. Women don’t have the option to rely on men. Most men refuse to show up, they want all the benefits and few of the responsibilities and none of the risks. Women didn’t “bring this on themselves” that’s a cop out. Ask why any woman would need that level of independence and self-care…
I love his article, but I do think women are the most at fault. The FBI actually used Gloria Steinem to push this crap and the whole media pushed it but many women the 20% who are feminist we’re so happy to go and attack men and it makes me sick I really hate them to be honest.
"What I have “failed” to do is successfully save women from themselves."
For the most part this is two different groups of women. Occasionally one crosses over and you have a Leopards Eating People's Faces party moment. But otherwise this is along the lines of calling both black men and white men during the US Civil rights struggle "men". Or blaming all men for the actions of some sociopathic men who now claim to be trans.
And the goalposts have shifted massively. Not all slippery slopes happen (e.g. crime is a lot less serious today even though we didn't go all in on eugenics 100 years ago). So blaming people for where things have slid to now when all they thought they were doing was defending the ability of dysphoric homosexual men who'd gone through full surgery, or people with disorders or botched circumcisions who were surgically "assigned" to the opposite "sex", to use a private bathroom stall isn't right.
Damn. Coleman strikes again. This one got me on a few levels. Thank you. Many years ago I was one of the dumb ladies out there, who believed that a trans woman was a man without a penis and therefore had no interest in women sexually and wasn’t playing power games. I really had no clue about the range of experiences these men were having and the range of spaces they were poised to control. I suppose it does none of us any good now to look for anyone but ourselves to blame but I appreciate you calling out men for their complicity. I’ll just call out women for not looking to men to help us understand men. Most of these men trying to be women are probably going through some rough times and are most likely just living their lives and trying to keep their heads down. But not all of them. There’s a women’s only day spa here in Washington that has a no clothing policy. Meaning that when we enter, we go to a locker area and disrobe. We can have a towel but most of us just walk around nude. Well, now trans women, which is to say men, have pushed their way in. These are dudes with penises walking around nude and often at least partially erect, in a big building full of naked women. I wonder what would happen if men were outside of that spa and pulled every trans “woman” out of line and had a discussion. It’s hard to say. I for one won’t interfere with any man doing it though.
Many women have called out for men for support for decades. Yet the locker room talk continued and men wouldn’t call each other out on their poor behavior… The cat calling and touching us without permission, continued and no man spoke up…. We were told many times to get over it. We’re being too sensitive. Let it go. Boys are just boys. The men didn’t mean it.
So as a woman, when you realize that men won’t even call each other out on their reprehensible behavior… And many men continue to be predators … you then realize that you are alone and have to look out for yourself.
See, even though men are up in arms right now about this at the IOC, of which, yes, it was absolutely unacceptable… Where have these men been for the past 6 1/2 decades of my life? Why is there outrage now?
There wasn’t any outrage when men would grab my breasts at the bars when I was younger… There wasn’t any outrage when a man would follow me home and harassed me… There was no outrage when I was cat called. There was no outrage when men were saying inappropriate things to me, and I felt uncomfortable. And I learned very quickly that I had to fend for myself… Or just disappearing oasis of silent, and take up less and less and less space.
And I am not the only woman with this experience. There are many of us who have had this experience.
There was only one time in my 65 years when a man did something about another man’s inappropriate behavior. It wasn’t a brother. It wasn’t a father. It was a colleague. Which I am eternally, grateful even today.
So for the men who say that we brought this on herself… And the women who will just roll over and accept this… It is completely wrong.
We had no choice.
When you grow up, being sexualized by men, being told that it’s your behavior as a woman that’s the problem… And not the man’s behavior is the problem… And we realize that many men don’t stick up for you, they don’t call each other out on their crappy behavior, you realize that you’re actually all alone.
I’m not able to recall the country, or the leader, when violence against women was getting so high, and it was recommended that women have a curfew, and stay inside. There was one leader, a female leader, I believe, who said that it was completely inappropriate for the women to be the ones to have a curfew, as they were not causing the violence. it was the men who should actually have a curfew because they were the ones committing the violence.
So it’s a woman when you go off, realizing that men cannot seem to control themselves, they won’t hold each other accountable, and always blame women for their poor choices, you realize that you’re going to have to deal with this by yourself. And then you start to realize that no one’s going to protect you and you’re gonna have to go out and do things yourself.
I hear you loud and clear and I know all of that has been very real and incredibly painful,isolating and disempowering. I’m really sorry you didn’t get the protection and support you needed. I wish it was a man saying this to you but I guess I’ll have to be a stand in.
I think you're on the money here, a dude with a penis who parades through a women's spa is not working through issues, they're perverts 'playing the game' and exploiting good will. It's a shame that rigid woke policies prevent them being called out. Maybe the owners of the spa need a reality check by resignation of the true women in protest. Money talks ....
I wish woke hadn't become a political pejorative, because these policies have become anti-woke when they are used to excuse bad behavior and exploitation of single-sexed spaces for the prurient interest.
This is but one aspect of the great war of our times.
I still hold the door for women, even when they walk around me to open a door for themselves. I consider it my privilege. My wife is good enough to respect this and always waits for me to open the door for her. It used to be good manners. I'm happy to be a man stuck in the past. There were good things there, things worth hauling into the future.
I have watched a young women refuse to ask for help swapping out a flat tire. I gave her an hour for her pride, then stopped and helped. She had not the strength to break the lug nuts loose, nor the good sense to cobble together a longer lever to multiply her what strength she had. She didn't like it, I could tell. But she got on her way in the end.
One need not be an ass about helping women. Just do it and smile if they sneer.
Look I will 100% always be happy for a man to help me change a tire or anything like that. But just want to point out that one reason some women might not accept the held open door/ladies first thing is not because they're making some kind of political statement about not accepting male help but because it often just feels like an excuse to check out her ass. At least, it has to me. I've many times been on an elevator full of men as the only woman, and not the one who entered first or last, but when our floor arrives and the door opens, they all expect me to leave first, which I think they believe is the polite thing to do. But from my perspective it just feels like an elevator full of men wanting me to walk out first so they can all collectively eyeball my butt without me knowing. And I'm not crazy lol, I've heard plenty of women agree with me on that one.
I do it because so many women eyeball MY butt if I go first. Makes me uncomfortable.
Nah, just kidding. Who cares if someone checks out your butt?
I hold doors because my parents raised me to be a man. Once the door is open, I hold it until everyone coming through has passed. Courtesy is doing something with no ulterior motive. Kindness.
I think most people hold doors for each other. I was just providing a reason some women might ever turn it down (if they do, which some here seem to imply happens?). The only time it has bothered me is when I'm the only woman and there's a group of like
6 or 7 guys...that can feel intimidating to have them walking behind me. I'd rather them go first.
If I have have spent my whole life opening doors for a woman just to check out their asses, I guess I missed a lot of asses in my time I guess. I work in an industry where it is mostly men, and I can guarantee that no one stares at anyone’s ass in power plant elevator full of boilermakers and Millwrights. That would be a blood bath LOL
At least they are looking at you. My philosophy is, your looks get my attention. The rest of you keep me. That assumes you might be interested in me. Just checking you out doesn’t mean I’m objectifying you.
Well just to be clear I don't really believe in the concept of "objectification". Also this has only ever bothered me or made me say "go ahead" to indicate they should go first when it's been a group of men, not just one. Walking ahead of 6 or 7 guys can be somewhat uncomfortable sometimes, depending on the context. I suppose maybe you have to consider being alone walking ahead of a pack of flamingly demonstrative gay guys, to out yourself in that position.
I hold doors open for just about anyone, female or male. If that person is so self-involved that they take offense…screw ‘em. I’m not asking to take them to dinner, or for dinner, or anything else. It’s just a nice thing to do.
For the record, the perfect butt viewing distance is probably 10-15 feet. Less than 3 feet is reserved for shoulder, neck, and hair. Or holding a door.
If someone is going to check out your ass they're not holding the door open for you to do it or hanging around the elevator waiting for a glimpse. Get over yourself.
Works both ways, I had a flat and was busy changing the tire on my 4WD when a car pulled up and a petite young lady pulled over and asked if I needed help? I was impressed and thanked her kindly but didn't let it reflect on my masculinity self-perception.
Some women didn’t think it through when they wanted to roar, especially girls /women today. They have really did a number on themselves. Thankfully I’m old school and I don’t subscribe to the nonsense. My husband and I got on this very subject today. He says he opens the door for people (as we do in the South) no matter the sex and most of the younger generation will not say Thank you or even acknowledge his niceness. Heck I’ve opened doors for them also nothing. I’m a B though so I say you are welcome really loud Ha! I say Thank you when anyone opens the door for me even my husband. I still ask him to open jars for me cause apparently I’m too weak to open them ( this is truth) (its either that or beat the seal til it pops) , He still brings in the most heaviest groceries. I laugh that these girls /women have went too far and now unfortunately they did have a hand in this craziness of today.
That’s man strength. The stopping to help, the patient waiting (knowing the outcome), the fix, and the smile. The wisdom and goodness. Like a dad. Like a man: strength + tenderness.
I like your writing. But did it occur to you that you’re actually trashing someone’s daughter? Khelif is not a man, not trans, not a biological male. This whole thing erupted over her looks and physique and a comment on Russian tv. Do facts matter, or is this about virtue signaling what tough guys we are?
Khelif apparently suffers from a genetic abnormality, possibly Swyer Syndrome, which prevents development male genitalia in utero. The default for embryonic development is a female phenotype unless the fetus releases testosterone around two months development. The condition is usually not diagnosed until puberty as the child fails to develop breasts or menstruate. A uterus may, or may not, be present. Ovaries are not, nor are testes.
So a genetic XY presents as a phenotypical female. Khelif is not the first elite athlete who has had medical issues like this. There may not be a fair solution or answer, but there should be an honest and sincere discussion. Those athletes with genetic abnormalities are different from those who, like Lia Thomas, are typical XY "transition" after undergoing male puberty, then decide to compete against genetic woman who have undergone female puberty.
Khelif likely has 5-ARD, which is what Caster Semenya has. They are XY, but unable to process a certain enzyme necessary for male genital development, so they may look like they have a large clitoris and a vulva, but they have internal testes. Those testes produce testosterone during puberty, triggering the development of a masculinized physique. This is called, in the D.R., Guevedoces = "balls at 12". Here's a link to a BBC article about it. https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-34290981
Hows about featherweight, welterweight & heavyweigt, or something? They were clearly not in the same class. Boxing is supposed to be about equal strength, with skill & strategy the important determiner.
It was indeed an unfair fight because it was an unfair match of fighters.
Isn’t Men’s Olympic Boxing classified by weight? I’m not sure about Women’s Olympic Boxing. But it wasn’t just weight. Khelif was taller and had a much greater reach than his Italian opponent.
Matching by physical attributes such as weight and height is probably the fairest solution to this problem.
Just found out there are indeed different weight classifications. My daughter says she thinks an athlete can move up if they want to, though. Maybe the Italian boxer did. We don’t have nearly enough information. In fact, it seems to me the news pieces & the slowly unrolled reveals were intended to outrage, distract & confirmi our respective bises to get us bickering about it. A nice, polarizing little firestorm, making us appear fools to the other side — & we so readily oblige. Meanwhile, the reality continues.
Nevertheless, I think Coleman is dead on. Men ned to step up and protect & defend women. They rolled over with porn & abortion. And locker rooms etc. So iit remains that men should never hit women. The stronger should never use their strength to hurt the weaker. Both boxers could have said No, not a fair fight. But, Ithat’s the way it goes. Glory & $$ are hard to refuse. What a moral morass.
I’m with you totally Coleman. I’ve just been saying we men can’t do this alone. We need the sane women out there helping. Fuck all of the AWFL women who were “fine” with this. I have a daughter and granddaughter too and I would stand in that door too if needed.
And to prove my mettle all I have to do is remember how in my 1977 6th grade class when the teacher set up a debate for our class, to debate whether mothers (not all women, just the mothers,) should work outside of the home, I was the ONLY student in a class of 27 on my side of the room arguing for the beauty and wisdom of a stay at home mom all by myself. Not a single boy even sat with me. (However a couple whispered they agreed, but did t want the backlash.) I valued the idea of women in the work force in many ways, but this debate was about mothers only. I was ridiculed for the three straight days of the debate, made so unpopular from it that I earned the nick name “dog”, and was constantly beat up after school by mean girls and weak boys until I made cheerleading in 8th grade. Two straight years of being bullied ruthlessly because I believed a mother should be there 24/7 to raise and nurture the souls of her own children, and I believed it was important to the underlying fabric of the strength of our country. I know in today’s time 47 years later that’s proven to have been true - and most mothers HAVE to work outside of the home because they created an economy that demands it just to get by, and we have way too many abandoned mothers left to raise kids alone. But don’t for a second think that if all those women had a chance to stay home with their kids without severe negative financial ruin they wouldn’t, because I believe a majority would.
My point is I have always fought the u popular side of things as far back as that and I always will. But I have not met many other women where I live that are willing to do the same. Most are brainwashed by the narratives.
Thank you for your thoughts and passion on this topic, Coleman. I feel safer in the world knowing men like you are out there, standing guard. We NEED good men.
Fucking A, Coleman. You truly fucking get it. From the bottom of my heart... thank you. I wish to God I had a dad like you. Mine was a coward who abused me and my mother, then walked away and let my mother subject me to years of abuse at her own hands, and those of nearly every man she brought into my orbit, with such rare exceptions, I can count them on one hand.
I really wish, and the world really needs- men like you and Andrew (Dad Explains) to team up and teach a course in proper manhood and fatherhood. You two are shining fucking examples of what men could and should be. It brings tears to my eyes to imagine a world where men like you were the rule, not the exception. I'm onto something here. I hope you guys discuss it and collaborate. You could really make a change in the world that would have rippling effects into the future in such a positive way. Please think about it. I'm gonna start a petition.
I’m always impressed with your ability to make a point so clearly. Probably because I often have a hard time putting my ideas into words so I feel others understand. But you put your ideas into words and pictures with color.
This made me cry. My man lost his marbles so I do my best with a pointy stick, but it's not the same. My 25 year old son lives with me and my daughter who didn't have the benefit of a pointy stick wielding dad and has suffered the consequences. Despite popular opinion that my boy is not a man because he still lives with his mom, my boy has clearly stated that even though he thought about it during some of his sister's worse episodes, he won't leave us alone. He has his pointy stick ready, I've seen it. And that really goes for any woman around him. Glad to know you are out there too.
Yes!! Thanks Coleman for saying all this. Random stranger in an alley distress- yep had to do that once and basically tell the dude well I’m making it my business. There’s nothing weaker than seeing men say cop out shit. When I hear that shit my first thought is always, “Has this motherfucker ever got punched in the face?” By the way, you made an excellent point about how women were used for their nurturing qualities in this and many other situations. And you’re 💯 that’s one of the many things that makes them amazing. Men should step up and see when it’s being taken advantage of. Mad respect bro.
Random stranger in an alley distress? I'm proud to say that even I, an old lady who needs her cane to stand up straight, always put myself physically between the assailant and the victim. I've only gotten punched a few times.
To be fair, I should probably add that I must look so ridiculous doing that, so unlikely, that the dudes just don't dare punch me and that I bank on that. Or maybe I've just got luck. I don't know.
Beautifully said, Chris. Thank you for helping that stranger in the alley. 🙏
In a messaging chat group comprised of late ‘70s era fraternity brothers, a colleague asked why I was so pissed off about this topic since “we don’t have a horse in this race”. That he is totally incapable of recognizing that this is a civilizational struggle, and that his smug acquiescence is one reason why many are so outraged, go directly to your point, Coleman! Well done!
I agree with you
My entire life I’ve been a very non-physical person. I never played sports in school.
I never intentionally got into a fight, even though there were at least two times where I reacted instinctually to bullying. I even allowed a guy to beat the crap out of me once because I knew it would be much worse if I fought back.
So no one was more surprised than I when I made it obvious that I was about to intervene where I saw a man physically threatening a woman. I was very scared. But I wasn’t about to let him know it. I just knew that I would not be able to live with myself if I walked away.
Maybe subconsciously I knew that any man who physically threatens a woman is really a coward.
Best comment in the thread. Good on you bub
For sure it is. I was threatened by a man on the subway, and there was a car full of men who didn’t do anything. Young man in his 20s two seats away from me, hung his head and shame when I looked at him. It was horrifying and extremely scary. There’s no end to how much I hate feminism.
That's not feminism, that's cowardice
That is not the fault of feminism! That is the fault of cowardice, and patriarchy plays a big role in that cowardice. Men who are biggest loud mouths are men who simulate masculinity playing Call of Duty and Halo. They’ve never taken a real risk, and don’t have a clue what it is to defend someone- even themselves. They’re all talk.
You are an evil filthy feminist, pig. Everybody’s lives are shit because of creepy sicko like you. The FBI was literally behind feminism. Ask Gloria Steinem you can even email her she will admit it. And the bitches who went along with it were the most evil witches, who were so dying to attack men that they just jumped on the bandwagon and fucked life for everyone!! I loathe your filthy Disgusting perverted, slimy, skanky, slutty kind
WOW! You attack me pretty easily- without knowing much about me. How have either traditional gender norms OR feminism hurt or helped you??? Sharon, you should know that I would have stood up for you in the subway. Perhaps don’t presume anything about me without talking to me. I’m sorry you were hurt but it is not my fault, and NOT the fault of feminism. My choice to be a feminist is after watching my mother get destroyed by the culture that should have taken care of her. Your name calling is mean, I hope you’re not as mean as your comment.
I’m not joking about Gloria Steinem get in touch with the bitch she is available. She likes to put it in a women’s face that they were actually fooled by men who had bad plans for the world. She feels very stabbed in the back by the new feminism and she will talk to anyone who gets in touch with her. Go for it miss evil treacherous devil
Wow, I guess you are as mean as your comment. How sad.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I agree with those saying Best post. Colman would certainly agree: You are exactly what heroes are made of, you know, Bob Hanniford. An extraordinary ordinary man.
I say this as a wife, mother and grandmother. Don’t go by my name — It’s my husband’s. I’m a widow and keeping his name here is an homage & comfort. A protection too, if you will. Wasn’t deliberate, just an accident of signing up for substack on his email name & I thought, I’ll keep it. …But it can sure make for some interesting dialogues!
Godspeed
✝️🕊💌
It is a good thing to have a man front for you sometimes. I hope you have men who will do that when needed.
Oh! Thank you! Such a kind comment! It’s tough, actully. I miss my good man! My close friends & family are not able to imagine or realize what it’s like. Sometimes, surrounded all day with my own company, it gets ironic & comical. It can get quite isolating. I‘ll sometimes listen to friends’ complaints & worries, smiling with astonished amusement, not without sympathy, but able to see in a way that they don’t & can’t —marveling at how blind they are to the blessing of having such problems to complain or worry about. So much is taken for granted. So much that can change in an instant and render those concerns something infinitely precious they’d trade anything to have back. That’s just the way of it, tho’, isn’t it? People are tragic goofballs. Mostly lovable.
So, Life is funny, hard, interesting and good, in an odd way, as I become more & more eccentric (😂). Small & Lovely blessings dot the day (like your post!). & I’m blessed to live in a pretty safe little friendly town, have the best daughters & sons-in-law on the planet and am financially fine. I’m very grateful to God every day.
Most elderly widows have it far, far worse. They are the most forgotten, invisible, unrespected and beset minority. Many are broken & trying to manage everything. And still grieving. Forever they will grieve, however well they hide it.
So — & this is for any readers passing by — Make an effort to notice elderly widows. & when you do, smile & stop to chat. Take note of any needed assistance & offer. Touch — her arm or hand. Human contact & conversation might be extremely rare in her life. Listen & enjoy. She’ll come away with far, far more than what you give. It very likely might make her week!
Blessings to you! & thanks. Thanks too for letting me speak.
What a beautifully expressed comment. My mom was a widow for 18 years before remarrying at 80 (mixed reviews on that decision) and I saw much of what you described though we lived a good ways apart.
Perspective is hard won and often is only be learned through experience. For good reason, Paul encourages the older widows to mentor the younger women. It preserves wisdom and culture while filling a real need for both parties.
I'm thankful you are well cared for by family, that is too often the exception.
We sort of hijacked Coleman's post, I hope he won't mind. His cry could be echoed on the women's side, as he noted.
Blessings.
What a wonderful and encouraging note! I hope Colman sees these & is happy to see what he drew out of us.
You’re observations about the wisdom in Paul re the mutal blessings is astute. And thank you too for that.
18 years is a long time. (I just counted 11 this July & I was 62 as well. I think it would be very difficult to mesh lives with another. I still feel married, too. He’s just off away, on a long and beautiful kind of call of duty — we were born with that place in God’s heart & mind. Except, no phone or post. Ah!
Blessings & love. 🙏🏼🕊💌
11 years. It seems fresh in your writing, and likely feels much fresher to you. A friend from church lost her husband a month ago. One daughter thinks she should be moving on by now. I could weep for them both.
I have little to say about remarriage but have seen it promise more than it delivered. Perhaps Paul had as well.
Blessings
The problem for many women is that the men we grew up with, that we were told were our protectors and leaders, were anything but that to their wives and daughters. There was zero way I was going to let myself be put in the same position as my mother did. The assumption that ALL men are suited to that role is what got us there. And that's what Republicans want to bring back. That's why I can't fully commit to them (aside from the obvious of running a psychopath for president).
Not sure anyone has that assumption. It would be fair to say that is the ideal, and like any ideal we humans fall short even when we are trying. We should never abandon the ideal.
Yeah when you're on the receiving end of the complete failure of that ideal you would probably change your mind. Consider that 50% of men are less than average intelligence and it makes more sense.
Not sure what role intelligence plays. Ethics and virtue seem to be the critical elements. As John Adams noted, religion and morality.
Society is measured by the state and quality of its women. We as men failed, allowing women to degrade themselves by comparing themselves to men. Most of the rest of the social disfunction follows from there. The solution isn't to berate women for the current situation, it's for us as men to help make women great again.
"We as men failed, allowing women to degrade themselves by comparing themselves to men."
This wouldn't have happened if men hadn't bogarted so many of the exciting, remunerative, and fulfilling opportunities. When it comes to sexed bodies and minds, the only important things that demand segregation are male's ability to physically fight other males, and women's ability to carry and feed babies (and in the modern world we've got things like guns and pepper spray for the first, and formula for part of the second). Pretty much everything else people should be free to do based on interest.
This
I’m a bit confused by what you’re saying. So is society not measured at all by the quality of its men? And why is it men’s responsibility if women want to choose traditionally male dominated activities?
Lol you managed to sound like an ally and patronizing as fuck in the same post.
This was a response to another's post on predators and is one of the issues here, where men need to step up is to drive home the point that no, not all, but enough of you are creeps, predators, etc that policies that are sympathetic to them over women and children are a breeding ground for opportunists
"This is absolutely true and where the most vulnerable suffer because the focus in politics is “ not all x are rapists or not all y are pedophiles” instead of: all rapists and pedophiles will take advantage of opportunity (a,b,c) if given the chance. The unwillingness to acknowledge this and policies and practices to reflect this leaves the most vulnerable exposed"
god almighty, thank you for this one. any man that stands idly by while a woman or anyone less fortunate/able is abused is no man at all. if witnessing something like this doesn't light the fire in you it's probably time to consider life as a woman. cut them off, already.
A lot of us have definitely NOT been standing idly by as this insanity took root. We have been fighting this any way we could and with anyone who would listen, but it hasn’t worked. Why is that?
Whether people want to admit it or not, women have indeed brought this on themselves, even as real men with actual testosterone and low levels of soy were continually trying to fight the inevitable end result.
I haven’t quit the fight, but yet I am suddenly the asshole for simply acknowledging the tragic reality that women themselves are largely to blame for this insanity.
I haven’t “failed women”, and the accusation is absolute steaming bullshit. What I have “failed” to do is successfully save women from themselves. Guilty as charged on that one.
Coleman has had some very interesting perspectives over time and is right certainly far more than not.
This was not one of those times, and doubling down on the bullshit didn’t make it any better.
Yep. I'd say I mentioned that if you're in it then I obviously wasn't speaking to you
Buuuuuut
I also said you you think it's about you then it is.
So take that however you wish
Yes, you certainly did qualify your statement, I believe more than once. Most of us who read this have no reason to take offense. I don’t mind being called a “knuckle dragging Neanderthal,” rather, I consider it a compliment.
I obviously missed that part…. I’ll be honest - my mood deteriorated rapidly while reading, so I started skimming and did not finish. Being the second post about the topic, I was probably feeling more indignant than warranted before I even started this one.
My apologies if it wasn’t really intended for me, or guys like me. Definitely came across like it at the time, but I’ve been wrong once or twice before. Probably will be wrong about something again in the future too.
I have trouble reading responses even this long so I get it. We good playa
Rock on my friend.
Respect for the admission.
We need to start at our local level. This could also apply to helping out those who find themselves homeless and just need any address so they can begin to sort themselves out.
you don’t understand women.
and you missed the point coleman made.
women need us, we need them.
why do they need us? because we lead by example as arbiters of morality, protectors of the weak, purveyors of the truth.
why do we need them? to remind us of our humanity, express the nurturing we aren’t capable of, keep the peace whenever possible.
emphasis on “keep the peace”. this is a woman’s strongest trait. a woman will not stand against her fellow “woman”, even if said woman is really a man, even if she hates “her”. they won’t stand up for themselves in the worst of times. they are agreeable by nature.
we have a duty to protect them from bullshit like this, just like they have a duty to keep us from going too far.
If you think women “will not stand against fellow women”, then you have seen them in action in the workplace. Nobody holds back women these days worse than other women. It’s why my wife hates working with women or having a female boss.
Once consumed by feminism, and SO many are, they are anything but agreeable, particularly at work.
So, before your message I even admitted to Coleman that I missed his point. I think it was presented pretty poorly and much more aggressively than necessary, but I still missed it. Not sure why you needed to point it out as well.
I assume you are a man, but you are fooling yourself if you think you actually understand women. I do as well as any straight man alive, but still am baffled by their thoughts and actions routinely. Further, anyone who thinks women are inherently more agreeable than men hasn’t been paying attention for pretty much forever.
You don’t know me, so don’t even pretend to know what I think or understand. I have been defending female friends, family, and even strangers from male aggression or wrongdoing ever since I was old enough to do so. My only sin in this whole debacle is having the balls to point out that women are largely responsible for the idiocy of men competing against them in competitions of sport and strength.
Never once did I state that I wouldn’t keep fighting for women, despite the stupid shit that many have done to put us in this position. I simply don’t like being held primarily responsible for something that I had very little to do with.
Women can absolutely be the worst to other women, especially if one is non-woke and working in a captured place of employment.
they tend to avoid confronting each other directly and tend to talk shit behind each others' backs. this is not aggression. it's passive-aggression. this is not women standing up for themselves.
“Nobody holds back women these days worse than other women.”
💯
nope, this is both of you absolving yourselves of your societal responsibilities. it's you with the boot on the throat of progress.
Progress?
ohmygard dude chill out. it’s okay to be wrong sometimes.
women are a mystery, but they are also predictable.
it’s pretty clear you don’t understand the differences between men and wimmens. you’re putting on a show here lol.
You should get out and meet a couple of actual women sometime. On the whole they are great, but aren’t quite like you’ve been told. Particularly with other women. They can be incredibly hostile there, just generally without physical violence.
Pretty sure I understand the differences between men and women. Definitely don’t need your guidance there.
being catty and standing up for yourself are very different.
men are aggressive. women are passive-aggressive. assuming you know the difference, this would be a great moment to reflect on that. you may learn something instead of knowing it all.
He said this though:
"If none of this applies to you, I'm absolutely not talking to you. "
It sounds to me like this post doesn't apply to you so why take it so personally?
Who knows?
I’m a woman and even I took it personally!
Guess I need to check my chromosomes.
It's a matter of choice, not chromosomes.
oh, of course! 🤦♀️
I understand where you are coming from. And there is a real argument that women are to be blamed for a LOT of this with their bullsh*t. But he did say that’s up to the rest of us women to speak out against them (ours) and he is speaking to his.
Women “rights” do make it extremely difficult for a lot of men with less determination or balls to stand up to them. The social shaming and turning of the masses against any man that dares to takes the strongest among you to resist. I understand that. So develop that strength please! That’s all he is saying.
I believe in meritocracy regardless your sex, so I believe in equal pay for the same job. Things like that make sense to me when speaking of women’s rights, or the right for our vote to count equally, but the women’s rights movement went far beyond things like that and wanted power over men in ALL spaces. And the truth is men caved and gave it to them. Women are definitely better equipped to hold the power in SOME spaces, but certainly not all. We have many differences as women and they should be celebrated, respected, utilized wisely, and compensated equally, but we don’t have to have equal representation in EVERY space out there or in the spaces where the power is better held by men given they have better wiring for that space.
Oh I think you and I agree with each other a lot more than you think my reply is implying. And I’m probably trying to make LOTS of different points related to feminism because my mind is bubbling over after reading his article. 😂 I’m not a writer, strictly a commenter. So I won’t always be eloquent or easy to understand. I do try though.
I was responding primarily to your comment “Coleman has had some very interesting perspectives over time and is right certainly far more than not.
This was not one of those times…” and I just disagreed with that. He nailed it. The rest of my reply was supporting more of what he was saying from the perspective of a woman. He is speaking for men alone and asked us women to speak for women. I’m also sharing my perspectives about what he said about other men who are not like you.
I just discovered Coleman’s Substack this past week, so this isn’t coming from blind loyalty or anything. His words just rang true to me.
I’m also not suggesting you personally need to develop more strength. You’ve stated you have it in spades, which is great. I was referring to many, MANY other men who don’t, and explaining why.
I also don’t think women are “primarily” responsible, as you feel they are. So I guess I disagree with you on that point also. I think they are “equally” to blame. Men started to fail in their God-given roles long before women started to fight for their rights, and had they properly valued and cherished women, obeying God’s direction to love them as they loved themselves, possibly there never would have been a need for a feminism movement. But many men took a radical role of superiority and over-authoritarian with women, while others took a weak role and completely abandoned us. Both caused our movement. In a position of superiority they did not appreciate the valuable contributions women could make and that was reflected in voting privileges, pay scales, and in physical beatings and oppression as we were seen as property, not human beings, and certainly not as God intended is to be seen. None of that came from a place of respect and love. Those in a position of feebleness and weakness abandoned their responsibilities, forcing the increase in single mothers raising children. Just a couple examples of many.
However, as of today, women have a gigantic bag of blame to hold with how they lost their values, their morals, and their substance, and it all became only about winning equality in every way possible in every corner they could. An unfair cat fight that they even destroy each other over. Believe me, not only do they emasculate men, they fiercely trample on femininity. Is that efeminate? Anyway, we are not fully equal in sex and never should have been, and that’s where feminism failed. I do support equal pay for the same job where equal merit has been EARNED and I’m against the old boys’ club preventing that from a seat of superiority. But I don’t support equal representation of women in the front line on a battle field. There are rare instances where a woman is fully capable and if so should be allowed, but it isn’t common and meeting some quota for that is stupid. I think we all see this point in the recent SS clown show protecting Trump. I don’t mind a woman among them, but she better be tall and built like a train, tough as shit. They exist so they should be allowed, but again, it will be rare so there should be no attempt to get equal representation in numbers based on sex.
As with all “rights” groups, they grow way too radical and end up representing only 1% of themselves. Women failed standing up to other women who were pushing too radical of a position and here we are today. That combined with what happened to women pre-feminism movement makes us equally responsible. Not primarily.
Thanks for the interesting reply- it really made me think.
As a dad, husband, and engineer, I spend a lot of time fixing things and systems both at work and home. That very often involves getting to the root cause of an issue in order to solve it. Sometimes, however, it can be easy to jump to conclusions and assume that you really have the root cause, while the truth is that there is more digging to do. That digging starts with simply asking another round of “why?”
Getting back briefly to the issue that got me fired up - men playing in women’s sports….
It is widely known world wide that women vote overwhelmingly for the types of “leaders” who ultimately push such idiocy. For THAT they are primarily responsible, as left up to men alone, this would never be an issue at all.
That said, I failed to dig deeper and ask myself why would women behave this way in the first place. It clearly goes beyond them simply being more “liberal” in general. You have helped me to recognize that men played a large part in pushing them there. I suppose we could ask another “why” from there, but there is likely no end to the quest.
Thanks for the dialog, from one commenter (not writer) to another. It seems so obvious now, but I do appreciate you helping me get past simply feeling offended and angry to seeing a bigger picture.
I guess we are all pretty equally screwed up in the end…
Ah well put. We all need to keep digging and hear the other person even when they don’t agree with us. Everyone here should go back and reconsider anything you wrote in your replies as well, because you damn well earned that respect.
I suspect if we want the true root cause it will take us all the way back to the garden of Eden. A woman was too easily manipulated, and desired to “have it all”, then led her husband astray. We as women need to be more careful and responsible with how persuasive we are. It’s a dangerous weapon in the wrong hands. But her husband too easily followed her. He was in charge and he failed her too by trusting and following her lead rather than God’s. He had the power and authority to protect them both. It’s a lot of pressure having that responsibility on your shoulders, all the more reason women should support a man when he does show appropriate and righteous strength.
Of course this all depends on one believing in God and creation. But I assume it probably leads to the same damn thing if traced back through the evolutionary steps. 🤣
Thank you, JuJu and Politically-homeless Dude for this amazing exchange. I wholeheartedly agree with your perspectives, JuJu, and feel you speak for many women who, like me, have difficulty finding the right words to be heard.
Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I do get the feeling you are trying to gently argue a point, but I’m not sure where we disagree. You suggest that I need to develop a strength of some sort, but I’m not really sure where you feel that strength is lacking.
I’ve been quite clear that I’m not going to stop fighting for women, and I obviously had enough strength to take the heat from men and women alike for my view that women are primarily responsible for the fact that men are now competing with them directly in sports.
But please, don’t T-bone me after running a red light and then blame me for not reacting fast enough to avoid the collision. That’s all I ask.
I honestly don’t even believe in the same pay for the same same work.
The reason why women were able to stay home with their own babies, which every female creature on earth has a right to do, is because men were getting paid more. Then when it became the other woman’s turn to have a baby, she was able to.
Things are a friggin mess And it’s all because of these stupid equal rights when we are not equal. Two different, too different
We need to fix the amendments. A few need to be checked, especially the 19th. Do you know how much would be fixed if the 19th amendment was taken away?! Women are the ones that are causing all this filth just like Adam and Eve. They are causing a very very sick society and yes, it’s too bad that men acquiesced but the thing is they became too comfortable. A lot of them didn’t even want the responsibility for their family. Some greedy and said oh good to paychecks. Let’s get a bigger house and buy a bunch of stupid shit. Fill our garage and then have to buy storage with tons and tons of storage places out there.
You know 1968 was not even storage place because people didn’t use women to buy extra shit. They didn’t need so that she could put her baby with a complete stranger and those places are run by the government the Department Of Education tell them everything to do and stay here a lot of propaganda from the first months of when they are born.
People are sick and crazy if they don’t homeschool, and if they stick their kid in daycare one guy forgot his kid and let it burn to death in the car because he forgot to drop him off
Guess what? They couldn’t have happened to me no woman in my family sticks their children in a daycare.
It was my full-time job so I couldn’t forget him
No kid should be an afterthought
What? You don’t want women to VOTE?
I, for one, am happy that Sharon does not feel qualified to vote.
Dumbasses like you? Of course not.
Wow- you're a horror.
Bullshit. Women were by and large abandoned in the 1960s, 70’s, and 80s. Women like me saw our mothers abandoned by our fathers and vowed to never be in that situation. Women don’t have the option to rely on men. Most men refuse to show up, they want all the benefits and few of the responsibilities and none of the risks. Women didn’t “bring this on themselves” that’s a cop out. Ask why any woman would need that level of independence and self-care…
" Most men refuse to show up, they want all the benefits and few of the responsibilities and none of the risks."
What world do you live in?
I'm a therapist and I see it in my consulting room several times a day.
Ah, a therapist. That explains a lot.
I am sure you do perceive things that way.
I love his article, but I do think women are the most at fault. The FBI actually used Gloria Steinem to push this crap and the whole media pushed it but many women the 20% who are feminist we’re so happy to go and attack men and it makes me sick I really hate them to be honest.
"What I have “failed” to do is successfully save women from themselves."
For the most part this is two different groups of women. Occasionally one crosses over and you have a Leopards Eating People's Faces party moment. But otherwise this is along the lines of calling both black men and white men during the US Civil rights struggle "men". Or blaming all men for the actions of some sociopathic men who now claim to be trans.
And the goalposts have shifted massively. Not all slippery slopes happen (e.g. crime is a lot less serious today even though we didn't go all in on eugenics 100 years ago). So blaming people for where things have slid to now when all they thought they were doing was defending the ability of dysphoric homosexual men who'd gone through full surgery, or people with disorders or botched circumcisions who were surgically "assigned" to the opposite "sex", to use a private bathroom stall isn't right.
Damn. Coleman strikes again. This one got me on a few levels. Thank you. Many years ago I was one of the dumb ladies out there, who believed that a trans woman was a man without a penis and therefore had no interest in women sexually and wasn’t playing power games. I really had no clue about the range of experiences these men were having and the range of spaces they were poised to control. I suppose it does none of us any good now to look for anyone but ourselves to blame but I appreciate you calling out men for their complicity. I’ll just call out women for not looking to men to help us understand men. Most of these men trying to be women are probably going through some rough times and are most likely just living their lives and trying to keep their heads down. But not all of them. There’s a women’s only day spa here in Washington that has a no clothing policy. Meaning that when we enter, we go to a locker area and disrobe. We can have a towel but most of us just walk around nude. Well, now trans women, which is to say men, have pushed their way in. These are dudes with penises walking around nude and often at least partially erect, in a big building full of naked women. I wonder what would happen if men were outside of that spa and pulled every trans “woman” out of line and had a discussion. It’s hard to say. I for one won’t interfere with any man doing it though.
Many women have called out for men for support for decades. Yet the locker room talk continued and men wouldn’t call each other out on their poor behavior… The cat calling and touching us without permission, continued and no man spoke up…. We were told many times to get over it. We’re being too sensitive. Let it go. Boys are just boys. The men didn’t mean it.
So as a woman, when you realize that men won’t even call each other out on their reprehensible behavior… And many men continue to be predators … you then realize that you are alone and have to look out for yourself.
See, even though men are up in arms right now about this at the IOC, of which, yes, it was absolutely unacceptable… Where have these men been for the past 6 1/2 decades of my life? Why is there outrage now?
There wasn’t any outrage when men would grab my breasts at the bars when I was younger… There wasn’t any outrage when a man would follow me home and harassed me… There was no outrage when I was cat called. There was no outrage when men were saying inappropriate things to me, and I felt uncomfortable. And I learned very quickly that I had to fend for myself… Or just disappearing oasis of silent, and take up less and less and less space.
And I am not the only woman with this experience. There are many of us who have had this experience.
There was only one time in my 65 years when a man did something about another man’s inappropriate behavior. It wasn’t a brother. It wasn’t a father. It was a colleague. Which I am eternally, grateful even today.
So for the men who say that we brought this on herself… And the women who will just roll over and accept this… It is completely wrong.
We had no choice.
When you grow up, being sexualized by men, being told that it’s your behavior as a woman that’s the problem… And not the man’s behavior is the problem… And we realize that many men don’t stick up for you, they don’t call each other out on their crappy behavior, you realize that you’re actually all alone.
I’m not able to recall the country, or the leader, when violence against women was getting so high, and it was recommended that women have a curfew, and stay inside. There was one leader, a female leader, I believe, who said that it was completely inappropriate for the women to be the ones to have a curfew, as they were not causing the violence. it was the men who should actually have a curfew because they were the ones committing the violence.
So it’s a woman when you go off, realizing that men cannot seem to control themselves, they won’t hold each other accountable, and always blame women for their poor choices, you realize that you’re going to have to deal with this by yourself. And then you start to realize that no one’s going to protect you and you’re gonna have to go out and do things yourself.
I hear you loud and clear and I know all of that has been very real and incredibly painful,isolating and disempowering. I’m really sorry you didn’t get the protection and support you needed. I wish it was a man saying this to you but I guess I’ll have to be a stand in.
The country was Israel, and the leader was Golda Meir.
I think you're on the money here, a dude with a penis who parades through a women's spa is not working through issues, they're perverts 'playing the game' and exploiting good will. It's a shame that rigid woke policies prevent them being called out. Maybe the owners of the spa need a reality check by resignation of the true women in protest. Money talks ....
When I found out planet fitness had men shaving in the women room I STOPPED GOING
NOT DIFFICULT
WHOEVER DOESNT IS COMPLICIT
That is a most excellent point. Women are not powerless.
I quit my membership and told them exactly why. They’ve had to jack up their prices because so many people left.🙌🏾
"rigid woke policies"
I wish woke hadn't become a political pejorative, because these policies have become anti-woke when they are used to excuse bad behavior and exploitation of single-sexed spaces for the prurient interest.
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Nuked from orbit, as usual, Coleman.
This is but one aspect of the great war of our times.
I still hold the door for women, even when they walk around me to open a door for themselves. I consider it my privilege. My wife is good enough to respect this and always waits for me to open the door for her. It used to be good manners. I'm happy to be a man stuck in the past. There were good things there, things worth hauling into the future.
I have watched a young women refuse to ask for help swapping out a flat tire. I gave her an hour for her pride, then stopped and helped. She had not the strength to break the lug nuts loose, nor the good sense to cobble together a longer lever to multiply her what strength she had. She didn't like it, I could tell. But she got on her way in the end.
One need not be an ass about helping women. Just do it and smile if they sneer.
Look I will 100% always be happy for a man to help me change a tire or anything like that. But just want to point out that one reason some women might not accept the held open door/ladies first thing is not because they're making some kind of political statement about not accepting male help but because it often just feels like an excuse to check out her ass. At least, it has to me. I've many times been on an elevator full of men as the only woman, and not the one who entered first or last, but when our floor arrives and the door opens, they all expect me to leave first, which I think they believe is the polite thing to do. But from my perspective it just feels like an elevator full of men wanting me to walk out first so they can all collectively eyeball my butt without me knowing. And I'm not crazy lol, I've heard plenty of women agree with me on that one.
This inspired a Note. Good point
I do it because so many women eyeball MY butt if I go first. Makes me uncomfortable.
Nah, just kidding. Who cares if someone checks out your butt?
I hold doors because my parents raised me to be a man. Once the door is open, I hold it until everyone coming through has passed. Courtesy is doing something with no ulterior motive. Kindness.
I think most people hold doors for each other. I was just providing a reason some women might ever turn it down (if they do, which some here seem to imply happens?). The only time it has bothered me is when I'm the only woman and there's a group of like
6 or 7 guys...that can feel intimidating to have them walking behind me. I'd rather them go first.
If I have have spent my whole life opening doors for a woman just to check out their asses, I guess I missed a lot of asses in my time I guess. I work in an industry where it is mostly men, and I can guarantee that no one stares at anyone’s ass in power plant elevator full of boilermakers and Millwrights. That would be a blood bath LOL
Lol you might try giving a little wolf whistle next time. You might put a little spring in a boilermaker's step! 😂
I really do not want that fight lol
At least they are looking at you. My philosophy is, your looks get my attention. The rest of you keep me. That assumes you might be interested in me. Just checking you out doesn’t mean I’m objectifying you.
Well just to be clear I don't really believe in the concept of "objectification". Also this has only ever bothered me or made me say "go ahead" to indicate they should go first when it's been a group of men, not just one. Walking ahead of 6 or 7 guys can be somewhat uncomfortable sometimes, depending on the context. I suppose maybe you have to consider being alone walking ahead of a pack of flamingly demonstrative gay guys, to out yourself in that position.
I hold doors open for just about anyone, female or male. If that person is so self-involved that they take offense…screw ‘em. I’m not asking to take them to dinner, or for dinner, or anything else. It’s just a nice thing to do.
For the record, the perfect butt viewing distance is probably 10-15 feet. Less than 3 feet is reserved for shoulder, neck, and hair. Or holding a door.
The collapse of basic civility proceeds apace.
sorry but having my butt ogled isn't going to ruin my day.
If someone is going to check out your ass they're not holding the door open for you to do it or hanging around the elevator waiting for a glimpse. Get over yourself.
Sounds like you are legit paranoid, is that what being a Swiftie does to you?
You're the Swiftie, you even have a tramp stamp saying Taylor Forever.
LOL, you are the one promoting pop music on your Substack, at least own your bullshit,
Works both ways, I had a flat and was busy changing the tire on my 4WD when a car pulled up and a petite young lady pulled over and asked if I needed help? I was impressed and thanked her kindly but didn't let it reflect on my masculinity self-perception.
Some women didn’t think it through when they wanted to roar, especially girls /women today. They have really did a number on themselves. Thankfully I’m old school and I don’t subscribe to the nonsense. My husband and I got on this very subject today. He says he opens the door for people (as we do in the South) no matter the sex and most of the younger generation will not say Thank you or even acknowledge his niceness. Heck I’ve opened doors for them also nothing. I’m a B though so I say you are welcome really loud Ha! I say Thank you when anyone opens the door for me even my husband. I still ask him to open jars for me cause apparently I’m too weak to open them ( this is truth) (its either that or beat the seal til it pops) , He still brings in the most heaviest groceries. I laugh that these girls /women have went too far and now unfortunately they did have a hand in this craziness of today.
That’s man strength. The stopping to help, the patient waiting (knowing the outcome), the fix, and the smile. The wisdom and goodness. Like a dad. Like a man: strength + tenderness.
God Bless!
~ Not Dick; his widow.
💯 💯 💯 I always thank men profusely!!🩷🙏🏻🩷🙏🏻😊🌹💕🩷
Your style has a hard edge, understandable and brutally earned, but I find your ability to speak truth and call the shots remarkable.
This one I wrote angry at 4 am so there's a little more umph than usual I guess lol
I like your writing. But did it occur to you that you’re actually trashing someone’s daughter? Khelif is not a man, not trans, not a biological male. This whole thing erupted over her looks and physique and a comment on Russian tv. Do facts matter, or is this about virtue signaling what tough guys we are?
Who? I mentioned zero people by name and even said in the opening I don't care about the arguments surrounding that images controversy
lol- really? Virtue signaling it is, then.
Not sure what that means but sure, why not?
Here come the weak men riding in to call you a white Knight while they tug their angry inches🙄
Right on cue😅
Getting disqualified by the IBA isn’t “a comment on Russian tv”.
He's a man. It suits the family to claim intersex as they would be killed in Algeria if he was trans.Which he is.
Khelif apparently suffers from a genetic abnormality, possibly Swyer Syndrome, which prevents development male genitalia in utero. The default for embryonic development is a female phenotype unless the fetus releases testosterone around two months development. The condition is usually not diagnosed until puberty as the child fails to develop breasts or menstruate. A uterus may, or may not, be present. Ovaries are not, nor are testes.
So a genetic XY presents as a phenotypical female. Khelif is not the first elite athlete who has had medical issues like this. There may not be a fair solution or answer, but there should be an honest and sincere discussion. Those athletes with genetic abnormalities are different from those who, like Lia Thomas, are typical XY "transition" after undergoing male puberty, then decide to compete against genetic woman who have undergone female puberty.
Khelif likely has 5-ARD, which is what Caster Semenya has. They are XY, but unable to process a certain enzyme necessary for male genital development, so they may look like they have a large clitoris and a vulva, but they have internal testes. Those testes produce testosterone during puberty, triggering the development of a masculinized physique. This is called, in the D.R., Guevedoces = "balls at 12". Here's a link to a BBC article about it. https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-34290981
Hows about featherweight, welterweight & heavyweigt, or something? They were clearly not in the same class. Boxing is supposed to be about equal strength, with skill & strategy the important determiner.
It was indeed an unfair fight because it was an unfair match of fighters.
Isn’t Men’s Olympic Boxing classified by weight? I’m not sure about Women’s Olympic Boxing. But it wasn’t just weight. Khelif was taller and had a much greater reach than his Italian opponent.
Matching by physical attributes such as weight and height is probably the fairest solution to this problem.
Just found out there are indeed different weight classifications. My daughter says she thinks an athlete can move up if they want to, though. Maybe the Italian boxer did. We don’t have nearly enough information. In fact, it seems to me the news pieces & the slowly unrolled reveals were intended to outrage, distract & confirmi our respective bises to get us bickering about it. A nice, polarizing little firestorm, making us appear fools to the other side — & we so readily oblige. Meanwhile, the reality continues.
Nevertheless, I think Coleman is dead on. Men ned to step up and protect & defend women. They rolled over with porn & abortion. And locker rooms etc. So iit remains that men should never hit women. The stronger should never use their strength to hurt the weaker. Both boxers could have said No, not a fair fight. But, Ithat’s the way it goes. Glory & $$ are hard to refuse. What a moral morass.
jmho
Boo hoo
I love a wee 4am rant,nothing like it😁
“Everyone is so busy passing the blame around that nothing changes. “Not it!””
Applies to damn near everything these days.
Thanks brother for standing in the doorway.
I’m with you totally Coleman. I’ve just been saying we men can’t do this alone. We need the sane women out there helping. Fuck all of the AWFL women who were “fine” with this. I have a daughter and granddaughter too and I would stand in that door too if needed.
I’ll stand with you all. I’m a sane woman.
And to prove my mettle all I have to do is remember how in my 1977 6th grade class when the teacher set up a debate for our class, to debate whether mothers (not all women, just the mothers,) should work outside of the home, I was the ONLY student in a class of 27 on my side of the room arguing for the beauty and wisdom of a stay at home mom all by myself. Not a single boy even sat with me. (However a couple whispered they agreed, but did t want the backlash.) I valued the idea of women in the work force in many ways, but this debate was about mothers only. I was ridiculed for the three straight days of the debate, made so unpopular from it that I earned the nick name “dog”, and was constantly beat up after school by mean girls and weak boys until I made cheerleading in 8th grade. Two straight years of being bullied ruthlessly because I believed a mother should be there 24/7 to raise and nurture the souls of her own children, and I believed it was important to the underlying fabric of the strength of our country. I know in today’s time 47 years later that’s proven to have been true - and most mothers HAVE to work outside of the home because they created an economy that demands it just to get by, and we have way too many abandoned mothers left to raise kids alone. But don’t for a second think that if all those women had a chance to stay home with their kids without severe negative financial ruin they wouldn’t, because I believe a majority would.
My point is I have always fought the u popular side of things as far back as that and I always will. But I have not met many other women where I live that are willing to do the same. Most are brainwashed by the narratives.
Good for you, Juju. Smart, strong 7th grader & smart, strong woman.
It’s the System now, you’re right — economics & culture.
Keep speaking & fighting truth. You’re popular in my book
It’s sick the govt take our children at six week old and the Department Of Education gives them all the curriculum I’m telling you
I would never have allowed that and did not
A lot of women were complicit in it and it’s sickening to me
Just try taking a baby from its mother in another species and see what happens
I don’t want to hear any crap about having to sacrifice Amazon presents every day Tough shit. It’s your kid.
Thank you for your thoughts and passion on this topic, Coleman. I feel safer in the world knowing men like you are out there, standing guard. We NEED good men.
Weak men are the most dangers creatures on planet earth, because they act like women.
Correct, you got a follow
Fucking A, Coleman. You truly fucking get it. From the bottom of my heart... thank you. I wish to God I had a dad like you. Mine was a coward who abused me and my mother, then walked away and let my mother subject me to years of abuse at her own hands, and those of nearly every man she brought into my orbit, with such rare exceptions, I can count them on one hand.
I really wish, and the world really needs- men like you and Andrew (Dad Explains) to team up and teach a course in proper manhood and fatherhood. You two are shining fucking examples of what men could and should be. It brings tears to my eyes to imagine a world where men like you were the rule, not the exception. I'm onto something here. I hope you guys discuss it and collaborate. You could really make a change in the world that would have rippling effects into the future in such a positive way. Please think about it. I'm gonna start a petition.
I’m always impressed with your ability to make a point so clearly. Probably because I often have a hard time putting my ideas into words so I feel others understand. But you put your ideas into words and pictures with color.
Thanks for taking up this fight. ❤️