I'm a Convict. I use that term because there's truly no such thing as an ex-con anymore than someone can be an ex-marine. Once you become one, it's as much a part of your identity as one's religion. Everything in your life is colored and influenced by that experience.
I want to thank you for your incredible honesty in your writing and also for this particular piece where you point out that the victims never get mentioned due to peoples fascination of your history as a criminal.
I am a survivor of a very well known kidnapping ordeal in Jan 2000 in Ireland. A local gangster kidnapped me at gunpoint from my part time job at a filling station in my home town, tramore and made me drive my own car out to the countryside, tied me up, threw me into the boot of the car and then proceeded to joy ride for the next 7 hours with me in the boot of my car. During this time I was beaten to a pulp with golf clubs he found in the boot, succeeding in breaking my right leg and beating me unconscious several times. At the end of the night he took me out of the boot and placed me on the ground with the headlights glaring, and beat me solid for as long as he could with such unbelievable hatred and ferocity it’s hard to put into words. He then put me back in the boot of the car with my broken leg dangling and headed off again joyriding, bringing me into a housing estate, where by chance a police car investigating a bomb scare spotted the smashed up car and gave chase.
I had a near death experience at the end of this event. Luckily they didn’t get a chance to burn out the car up the mountains with me buried up there as the police found a shovel and petrol in the abandoned car. The level of violence I experienced was so intense that I am still releasing shock and trauma from my unconscious 25 years later.
I do believe the creature that took me was possessed by an evil force. There was no reason for it and no mercy, compassion or let up whatsoever. He seemed to be feeding off the screams of pain and terror which made him stronger.
I decided to train in martial arts and became proficient in kickboxing and fought at tournament level across Ireland. Interestingly, since I have become a serious fighter to the point I got knocked unconscious by a worthy Russian opponent in one tournament and got up and fought to the end, I have never been in a violent situation outside of the ring since. Men can definitely sense it from you.
I am now a therapist and help people with all sorts of issues to the best of my abilities. I am also a leading activist in Ireland helping to build a dual system to free us of the global tyranny we all find ourselves in today.
I hope other survivors of serious crime get to read your blog as it is very beneficial to read from my position.
Wow, I'm dropping your link into the discussion in my master's class in mental health. Already tried to point the discussion about prisoner talk therapy into this direction but you have said it so well.
Thank you.
You are a very good writer with a unique alternate POV that adds much information to the current popular talk therapy model - good luck and congratulations on finding a writing home. And I might add, on finding your way home to yourself.
I think the problem here is that you, to me, are a person with a face and a name, whereas your victims are abstractions. It's easy for me to simply forget them, to wave them away like the mist. And so I do.
Here's the truth. As you say, you are at fault for what you did. Neither you nor I know what your victims may have deserved in the eyes of G-d, but you had no right to make yourself His messenger of punishment, and so you were rightfully imprisoned.
I hope that you will not do such things again, and that you will have a productive and peaceful rest of your life.
I’m glad I went to the beginning of your stack and read this. I had just finished today’s entry, feeling some of that fascination you mentioned. It felt almost voyeuristic and that’s unsettling. While you are clearly a good storyteller, these are not really “stories.” As you’ve pointed out, these are real things that happened - or were done to - real people.
I think you nailed a big part of it when you talk of desensitization. So much of today’s so-called entertainment revolves around crime, violent and otherwise. Vigilante “justice”. Murder. I have watched more than one crime drama and/or procedural police drama. I also like action movies.
I have been acutely aware in recent months how unfazed I am by depictions of human on human violence - unless the victim is a child, then I’m traumatized. I try to avoid that subject matter at all costs. If it’s an animal, I’m traumatized. I’m disturbed to acknowledge that I have to see something particularly cruel and sadistic to be bothered by it. I don’t think it has anything to do with knowing what I’m seeing isn’t “real.”
Given all that’s happening in the world, safe to say it’s no accident that we as a society have become largely inured to violence and victimization through decades of “entertainment.” You’ve given me more to ponder. Thank you for your honesty and for not seeking to spare yourself. Rare qualities no matter what your life experience.
I just came here after reading the bio. I thought I was reading a character. A fake one. To find that you are a real person and these are you stories...it's like being pulled out of a dream.
I grew up in a dangerous environment. Once I became a mother it was nearly suffocating to realize how paranoid I was about their safety in the world. Every moment, especially in public, was fraught with worry. I was tense all the time.
I've relaxed a lot since then. I've met a lot of families and parents along the way and it seemed like I was the only one who's eyes were darting a mile a minute--watching cars drive slowly by, or people walking near the playground with no dog or child.
I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing, but I feel like I've been grounded in reality again. There is so much strength in your story--from you and your opponent. I would be no match.
I was just signing my kids up for martial arts, but now I'm signing myself up too.
I respect your words. I feel the blood that was shed. I feel sick for the hurt. I feel convicted.
When I read this, I immediately understood what you were talking about. I'm glad that you hold yourself accountable and that you don't feel empowered when others erroneously try to justify your past actions. I am disgusted when people ask such questions as, did he deserve it? It's part of the reason I've always liked the saying, "Two wrongs don't make a right."
Anyway, I'm intrigued to be learning from a convict as I've never had that experience.
This needs to be shared to many parts of the world. Im 74 and though I've never been violent physically, I have treated many wonderful women badly.
I have not shamed them or tried to control them, I just didn't return the love and commitment that they gave me.
I have my time to sport, to coaching, training, trying to improve other players and being insanely upset when my team lost.
I also recognise that Im now happy with the single life I lead.
Being a loner and travelling alone has brought with it a life of stories, stories the happened, stories I've made up, stories that people made up about me.
And the big takeaway is that it is this *evil devil* social media, that is allowing us to connect with real people.
To all the people here but especially Coleman...thanks
Hi J,
I want to thank you for your incredible honesty in your writing and also for this particular piece where you point out that the victims never get mentioned due to peoples fascination of your history as a criminal.
I am a survivor of a very well known kidnapping ordeal in Jan 2000 in Ireland. A local gangster kidnapped me at gunpoint from my part time job at a filling station in my home town, tramore and made me drive my own car out to the countryside, tied me up, threw me into the boot of the car and then proceeded to joy ride for the next 7 hours with me in the boot of my car. During this time I was beaten to a pulp with golf clubs he found in the boot, succeeding in breaking my right leg and beating me unconscious several times. At the end of the night he took me out of the boot and placed me on the ground with the headlights glaring, and beat me solid for as long as he could with such unbelievable hatred and ferocity it’s hard to put into words. He then put me back in the boot of the car with my broken leg dangling and headed off again joyriding, bringing me into a housing estate, where by chance a police car investigating a bomb scare spotted the smashed up car and gave chase.
I had a near death experience at the end of this event. Luckily they didn’t get a chance to burn out the car up the mountains with me buried up there as the police found a shovel and petrol in the abandoned car. The level of violence I experienced was so intense that I am still releasing shock and trauma from my unconscious 25 years later.
I do believe the creature that took me was possessed by an evil force. There was no reason for it and no mercy, compassion or let up whatsoever. He seemed to be feeding off the screams of pain and terror which made him stronger.
I decided to train in martial arts and became proficient in kickboxing and fought at tournament level across Ireland. Interestingly, since I have become a serious fighter to the point I got knocked unconscious by a worthy Russian opponent in one tournament and got up and fought to the end, I have never been in a violent situation outside of the ring since. Men can definitely sense it from you.
I am now a therapist and help people with all sorts of issues to the best of my abilities. I am also a leading activist in Ireland helping to build a dual system to free us of the global tyranny we all find ourselves in today.
I hope other survivors of serious crime get to read your blog as it is very beneficial to read from my position.
Take care,
James.
Dear Indamidle,
Wow, I'm dropping your link into the discussion in my master's class in mental health. Already tried to point the discussion about prisoner talk therapy into this direction but you have said it so well.
Thank you.
You are a very good writer with a unique alternate POV that adds much information to the current popular talk therapy model - good luck and congratulations on finding a writing home. And I might add, on finding your way home to yourself.
An innocent man can't handle walls. The rest of us play cards.
Whoa. That's a profound statement.
I just started reading your stack so I'm not going to comment a whole lot except to say I recognize the truth here.
Looking forward to reading more about you.
I think the problem here is that you, to me, are a person with a face and a name, whereas your victims are abstractions. It's easy for me to simply forget them, to wave them away like the mist. And so I do.
Here's the truth. As you say, you are at fault for what you did. Neither you nor I know what your victims may have deserved in the eyes of G-d, but you had no right to make yourself His messenger of punishment, and so you were rightfully imprisoned.
I hope that you will not do such things again, and that you will have a productive and peaceful rest of your life.
I’m glad I went to the beginning of your stack and read this. I had just finished today’s entry, feeling some of that fascination you mentioned. It felt almost voyeuristic and that’s unsettling. While you are clearly a good storyteller, these are not really “stories.” As you’ve pointed out, these are real things that happened - or were done to - real people.
I think you nailed a big part of it when you talk of desensitization. So much of today’s so-called entertainment revolves around crime, violent and otherwise. Vigilante “justice”. Murder. I have watched more than one crime drama and/or procedural police drama. I also like action movies.
I have been acutely aware in recent months how unfazed I am by depictions of human on human violence - unless the victim is a child, then I’m traumatized. I try to avoid that subject matter at all costs. If it’s an animal, I’m traumatized. I’m disturbed to acknowledge that I have to see something particularly cruel and sadistic to be bothered by it. I don’t think it has anything to do with knowing what I’m seeing isn’t “real.”
Given all that’s happening in the world, safe to say it’s no accident that we as a society have become largely inured to violence and victimization through decades of “entertainment.” You’ve given me more to ponder. Thank you for your honesty and for not seeking to spare yourself. Rare qualities no matter what your life experience.
I just came here after reading the bio. I thought I was reading a character. A fake one. To find that you are a real person and these are you stories...it's like being pulled out of a dream.
I grew up in a dangerous environment. Once I became a mother it was nearly suffocating to realize how paranoid I was about their safety in the world. Every moment, especially in public, was fraught with worry. I was tense all the time.
I've relaxed a lot since then. I've met a lot of families and parents along the way and it seemed like I was the only one who's eyes were darting a mile a minute--watching cars drive slowly by, or people walking near the playground with no dog or child.
I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing, but I feel like I've been grounded in reality again. There is so much strength in your story--from you and your opponent. I would be no match.
I was just signing my kids up for martial arts, but now I'm signing myself up too.
I respect your words. I feel the blood that was shed. I feel sick for the hurt. I feel convicted.
When I read this, I immediately understood what you were talking about. I'm glad that you hold yourself accountable and that you don't feel empowered when others erroneously try to justify your past actions. I am disgusted when people ask such questions as, did he deserve it? It's part of the reason I've always liked the saying, "Two wrongs don't make a right."
Anyway, I'm intrigued to be learning from a convict as I've never had that experience.
This needs to be shared to many parts of the world. Im 74 and though I've never been violent physically, I have treated many wonderful women badly.
I have not shamed them or tried to control them, I just didn't return the love and commitment that they gave me.
I have my time to sport, to coaching, training, trying to improve other players and being insanely upset when my team lost.
I also recognise that Im now happy with the single life I lead.
Being a loner and travelling alone has brought with it a life of stories, stories the happened, stories I've made up, stories that people made up about me.
And the big takeaway is that it is this *evil devil* social media, that is allowing us to connect with real people.
To all the people here but especially Coleman...thanks